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I was really looking forward to hitting 365. It was an attainable goal that I was so close to achieving. At least, that's what I thought it was. The panic caused by missing a day made me realize that it had become another OCD obsession. Ugh! It is also really disturbing that it happened on an odd day... Day 300 would have been much more palatable.
I've been talking myself down from the hypothetical ledge by focusing on the truth: I have lost a lot of weight and become so much healthier and that will NOT change if I do not log into MFP. I honestly think that on some level I believe that failing to click a button will result in an instant 20 pound weight gain. Does that sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me?
Instead of letting the uncomfortableness of this nonsense get the best of me, I'm still functioning. I'm not allowing my monsters to hold me prisoner. Instead I'm trying to step from fear to freedom.
What are you breaking free from today?
Does it make you feel any better to know that 301 isn't prime - it's exactly 43 weeks! ;)
ReplyDeleteOn a more significant note, I want you to know that I appreciate you, your blog, and your willingness to write about uncomfortable things. As we discussed over Subway sandwiches probably a decade ago, I think we have a lot of similarities, so I find it meaningful (and often challenging!) to read about your life. Thanks. :)
Mollie, I was just thinking about our Subway sandwiches the other day! What a great memory :) And yes, it does make me feel better to know that 301 is not prime... but I'm still a little uncomfortable looking at it. ;)
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