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In high school there were five of us. For
the sake of everyone’s privacy, I will call my friends Ashley, Tina, Jenny and
Lisa. On June 9, 1992, we graduated from high school. We knew we would be friends for life and intended to enjoy ourselves
fully throughout the last summer we had together before college.
On July 7, 1992, our lives changed forever…
and so did our friendships. It was on that day that Tina’s boyfriend, “Pete,”
raped me. Within 24 hours, we learned he had also raped Tina and had attempted to
rape Jenny. At some point, I will share details of that night and the remainder of the summer because I believe our story can help save others from similar tragedies. But for now, know that the five of us were divided. The man in
question told lies that did as much or more damage than the rapes themselves.
And we were never the same.
We obviously had no clue that Pete was a
serial rapist or that he had other felony charges pending. When Ashley would
call me throughout our freshman year telling me about how Pete was stalking
her, my depression grew deeper and I had to distance myself from everyone from
back home. We eventually lost touch.
I found Ashley, Tina and Jenny on Facebook
a few years ago. It was great seeing their faces and reconnecting on a surface
level. When my family planned to take a trip back home to see my dad, I knew
what I had to do. How can I write a blog about being uncomfortable and allowing
God to mold me into the person He created me to be if I didn’t have the courage
to contact Ashley? So that’s what I did. And she agreed to meet me… VOMIT! Let’s be honest, this wasn’t your
ordinary 20 year reunion. This was two victims coming together after moving on
for 20 years.
I was terrified and excited to see her. We planned to meet for dinner this past
Sunday. I honestly did not know what to expect.
She looks WONDERFUL! We spent close to an
hour catching up on the basics: kids, husbands, etc. When she broke the ice and
admitted she was nervous about meeting and could tell I was too, the healing
began. I told her she was my Something
Uncomfortable for the day. She said she assumed as much :)
What happened next was amazing. Together, we
relived that night and the following days. She was able to fill in some blanks
for me and give me the gift of remembering the lost pieces. And I was able to
fill in some blanks for her. We agreed that it was remarkable that apart from
the minimal holes we each had, after 20 years our stories matched. No
embellishments. No exaggerations. They matched. After 20 years, that was unbelievable.
And considering that our story would make a great Lifetime TV movie… it was
nice to know someone could corroborate what I thought was true.
I’m not angry at anyone about what
happened. I am, however, saddened that this monster broke what should have been
lifelong relationships.
Contacting Ashley was one of the most nerve-wracking
decisions I’ve made. Words cannot express how thankful I am to have had the
courage to do it. I hope to reconnect with the other girls at some point. And I
hope to never allow myself to let someone else change the core of who I am.
Until July 7, 1992, I was NOT a victim. Until this past weekend, I hadn’t
realized how much I was acting like one… no matter how justified I was in doing
so.
Are you acting
like a victim? What do you need to do
to start living like a survivor?
