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I’ve been contemplating how I was going to
share this story. It’s long… OK, I’ve never really told a short story. But I
think there is so much to be learned from it. Believe me, as I age and enter
new life stages, I reflect on the madness and learn more and more.
So here’s my plan: I’m going to write about
it in installments. I can’t tell you how much time will lapse between the
installments. I will post them as I finish them.
What
Everyone Can Learn from My Story
Before I tell you what happened, I want you
to know what the basics of what I have learned. And believe me; EVERYONE can
learn something from my story.
Parents:
Know who your children are hanging out with. I don’t care how much you embarrass
yourself or your kids, be present enough in their lives to know their friends
AND their friends’ families.
Women:
Respect yourself enough to MAKE GOOD CHOICES! Let me be
very clear… A person NEVER asks to be raped! He/she can dance around naked like
a crazy person, but that NEVER gives another person the right to touch him/her
in a way that makes him/her uncomfortable. That being said, be smart enough to
put yourself in safe situations at
all times. I wasn’t.
Men:
No means NO! And if someone is drunk or high, they are
incapable of giving consent. That means it’s an automatic NO. Enough said.
Everyone:
Be the kind of person that stands up for those that are attacked. Don’t be the
kind of person who ridicules the victim.
The
Background
In high school there were five of us. For
the sake of everyone’s privacy, I will call my friends: Ashley, Tina, Jenny and
Lisa. On June 9, 1992, we graduated from high school. We knew we would be friends for life and intended to enjoy ourselves
fully throughout the last summer we had together before college.
On July 7, 1992, our lives changed forever…
and so did our friendships. It was on that day that Tina’s boyfriend, “Pete,”
raped me. Within 24 hours, we learned he had also raped Tina and had attempted to
rape Jenny. From that point forward, the five of us were divided. Pete told
lies that did as much or more damage than the rapes themselves. And we were
never the same.
The same sort of thing happened to me when I was 19. I had never really drank before, at least not enough to get drunk, and I had never done anything more than kiss a guy. He knew this, since we were friends, and he also knew I had a huge crush on him. I told him I did not want to do more than make out, but I honestly did not know what he was doing until it hurt. At that point, I didn't know what to do, but I sobered up very quickly. I actually dated him for about 6 months after it happened, I don't really know what my reasoning was, I guess I felt like it was partly my fault, which it was since I kissed him and drank with him. I should also mention that we never did anything again the whole time we dated. I didn't find out until a year later that he did the EXACT same thing to at least 6 other girls, either goody goody girls like me or young ones who didn't know better. I hated him and myself for a while, but I learned so much from it that I wouldn't change what happened.
ReplyDeleteLet's be clear... it was NOT your fault in any way! You should not have put yourself in an unsafe situation, but that does NOT make it your fault that it happened. PERIOD! Again... No means NO! And intoxication is an automatic NO. Every man should know this. You could have given him a lap-dance and then said no and it still wouldn't have been your fault. But I am glad you recognize how foolish it was to be so unsafe.
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