I Hate Hormones, Yes I Do, I Hate Hormones How About You?

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Seriously. Hormones stink. And no matter how you look at it, we women have to deal with them our ENTIRE lives. Forget the silly election; let’s talk about something that really matters…

As you know by now, I have had the great privilege of starting peri-menopause WAY TOO EARLY. Synthetic hormones turn me into a lunatic. And I’m a big proponent of working to find and treat the problem rather than mask the symptoms.

I’ve had great success with homeopathic hormone therapy for some time. But I started to notice some changes about six months ago: heavier spotting (I had an ablation before I knew better), increased breast tenderness, the glorious return of the hot flash and severe mood crashes that would likely be classified as clinical depression. Just.so.awesome.

So I redid a saliva hormone panel only to find out my hormone levels were doing well with the aid of the progesterone cream. Yay! But then what is the problem?

Then I did an adrenal test to see if the hormones weren’t being processed in my body correctly. I found out today that that looks normal. Yay! But then what is the problem? Wait, did I just say that?

So now what?

Beaux at the Medicine Shoppe had me start taking fiber every day to help with the fibrocystic breast issue. Strange, but it seems to be working. I might just be having a good month, so we will know more over time.

Today, I told Beaux that sudden mood swings have been WAY more intense lately. Frankly, they’ve been scary. Not suicidal scary, but scary enough that this has to be our top priority. The Sepia still helps, but we both agreed that I should try to take the Sepia preventatively rather than as a reaction to the sudden dives. And he is going to do some more research to see if there is something else we can do.

You might be thinking, “Why don’t you get on antidepressants?” Well, to begin with, medication and I don’t typically mix well. I’d like to try to remove as many chemicals from my body as possible, not add to them. I’m allergic to, well, almost everything. And the thought of going through the trial and error phase doesn’t thrill me.

Second, there is a definite pattern with the lows. They don’t happen at the same each month. But when they do happen, it’s during one of the three hormonal shifts I have in my cycle. Again, I’d like to figure out how to deal with the problem rather than the solution.

Let me stress a very important point: I AM NOT AGAINST ANTIDEPRESSANTS. I’m not concerned about the social ramifications that might come with them. And I know that they have saved countless lives. However for me, they are my last resort rather than my first choice.

This is why I’m taking the time to write to you today: You are NOT ALONE and you are NOT CRAZY! Hormones suck. Sorry, but they do. And just when you think you have it figured out, something changes and you are back to square one.

I implore you NOT TO GIVE UP! If you do some testing and they find nothing, don’t be discouraged. If you are experiencing symptoms, then they are real. You just haven’t identified the cause… yet.

And please, DON’T DO THIS ALONE. Talk to someone. Shoot, talk to me. I’ll listen. And this is somewhat anonymous – for you anyway, right?

Stupid apple… stupid serpent… stupid girl… Who am I fooling? I probably would have eaten it too. Bleh.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 140

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UGLY!!!! That’s how I would describe my morning… UGLY.

Within 15 minutes of waking up this morning, I had a panic attack. Anxiety Drops didn’t help. Of course, my daughter decided to be grumpy on the same day that I was grumpy. And I had unexpected issues I had to deal with.

I knew I needed Sepia. I ate breakfast and then set the timer for an hour so I could take the Sepia. (You can’t eat an hour before and an hour after taking it.) 30 minutes after I set the timer, I realized I was chewing gum… Are.you.kidding.me? I reset the timer and prayed that I wouldn’t explode while I waited.

As I waited, I realized I need to get over myself. Yes, my hormones are out of whack. Yes, my anxiety and depression levels are higher than normal. Yes, I’m struggling right now. But in less than 3 weeks my son is going to start kindergarten and my daughter will be starting preschool 2 weeks after that. I simply don’t have the luxury of shutting down right now. I want to savor every moment I have with them, making memories and loving each other. I won’t EVER get this time back. And I refuse to let my nonsense (although very legitimate) screw it up.

So I’m functioning. And we had a wonderful adventure this morning. And I’m going to work my tail off this week to get my bookwork done when it’s inconvenient so I can hang out with my babies as much as possible. I am going to win!

Are you letting the UGLY win today? Or are you winning?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 126

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In case you’ve missed it, let me just tell you about my irrational fear of the phone. It’s ridiculous. I don’t like making or receiving calls primarily because I can’t see the person I’m interacting with. I can’t watch their body language or facial expressions in order to evaluate how they are responding to me. If given ANY time to think about a phone call I have to make, I generally work myself into a nervous frenzy.

On Saturday, I realized the adjusted hormone therapy plan I was on was NOT working. I knew I needed to head into the Medicine Shoppe this morning to pick up a female hormone panel kit so that I could be retested. I thought that I would talk to my OBGYN at my appointment in August about having her make the official order for the test. It’s a 30 day process and you have to start it at the beginning of your cycle, so I did not want to wait a month to begin.

Dave told me to call her today and have her fax the order to him. Wait… what? I thought I had successfully dodged that phone call. Want to know what’s more horrifying than having a fear of the phone? Telling people that you don’t want to make a phone call because of it. UGH! So I said nothing and agreed to make the phone call.

I tried to have the receptionist at the doctor’s office take a message to have the nurse call me. This woman was particularly chatty, so she asked me a few extra questions. Come on!

I had to take a quick shower. Of course I almost hyperventilated trying to decide if I should chance getting the return call while I had soap in my hair. I decided to go for it.

The nurse called me back long after I got out of the shower and before I had to leave the house… Praise God! Even though I LOVE my doctor and her nurses, it is still so awkward to talk about alternative hormone therapies. I assume it’s because I have this strange need to give them too much information. At any rate, in spite of sounding like a nervous lunatic, I think I got my point across. I’m now waiting to hear back from the nurse with more questions OR from the Medicine Shoppe with the info. Because perimenopause isn’t challenging enough, my gets more complicated with phone calls.

So I’m not entirely sure if this made any sense at all. Between the whack-a-doodle hormone situation I’ve got going on and today’s PHONE CALLS, my brain isn’t working as it should. So if you get nothing else from this, know that I’m uncomfortable today and I’m not running away from it.

Are you facing your uncomfortable today? Or are you running away from it?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 119

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I have been a mess lately. I’ve been eating emotionally and excessively. I’ve gained a couple of pounds. I’m grumpy. I’m depressed… not clinically, just annoyingly. And our schedules are just off. 

Last night I binged on granola. Then I had explosive diarrhea. Too much info, but there’s a point. It was like my body was saying, “Enough already! Get over yourself and get back on track!” So I decided today was going to be the day that I do exactly that.

After getting ready and eating breakfast, my kids and I worked out, spent 30 minutes at the library, and picked up our passes for the rides at the state fair. I was ahead of schedule, so we stopped by The Medicine Shoppe where I talked to Dave. He decided I should switch my hormone therapy a bit… why I didn’t talk to him sooner is beyond me. We had a quick lunch at home then headed to the chiropractor. Afterwards, I had allergy shots. We came home and read some books. The kids are napping and I am writing to you. PHEW!

As I’m typing, I’m fantasizing about the granola… and we have cashews… did I mention the peanut butter cups? But I WILL NOT give in! I feel better when I’m eating better. And trust me, my people are ready for Mommy to be feeling better.

This morning was crazy and I definitely had some uncomfortable encounters, but it feels so good to have been productive. And within 3 to 4 days, I’ll know if we’ve figured out the hormone situation or if I need to re-test. It feels like I’m swimming back up to the surface again instead of sinking.

Is today the day you need to get back on track?