Today’s the first day of school. My son is starting second
grade and my daughter is starting kindergarten.
Before you check out thinking this is another mom getting
weepy about her kids going back to school, let me assure you it’s not.
I love our school. I love the teachers my kids have this
year. I love the administrators and staff.
But I hate today. It’s not for the reasons you may think. It’s
not for the reasons I thought. But through a few weeks of prayer and
reflection, I think I know why I hate today.
Of course I’m nervous for my babies because I want them to
be safe and happy and because new is hard… NEW IS SO HARD!
For eight years, I have been a work-from-home mom. I have
had small people with me every day minus a few hours here and there. That has
been my identity. Not in a weird she-has-no-life unhealthy kind of way, but in a
this-is-my-world kind of way.
I’m not sitting here wondering how I will fill my days. Good
gravy, I have plenty to do. I’m sitting here crying because I don’t know what
MY LIFE looks like anymore.
The worst part is that I didn’t choose it. I didn’t choose a
new job. I didn’t choose to start a new adventure. And it’s not like God called
me into a new ministry and I need to be obedient. The government chose this.
They decided it was time.
That’s a tough pill to swallow.
I’m not anti-government or anti-school. I’m just
anti-not-being-in-control.
I know that God has a plan and part of me is excited to see
what this new chapter will look like. I also know that I am blessed beyond
words and I am not losing sight of that. But right now, in this moment, I hate
today.
This is by far the hardest "Something Uncomfortable" yet.
