Something Uncomfortable: Day 19

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As I'm sure you have gathered by now, one of my primary anxieties comes from social situations. I come by this naturally as my father is very much an introvert and he has never looked forward to social gatherings. I, like him, become very anxious before going places but typically relax and enjoy myself once there. I have been known to work myself up into such a tizzy that I have panic attacks and/or become ill before we go. This is incredibly embarrassing. It is also completely unfair to my sweet husband who LOVES to be around people.

We are scheduled to go to such a gathering this evening. Part of me really wants to go, while the other part of me wants to start puking so we don't have to go. (Please realize that these anxieties have nothing to do with who we are going to be around or what we will be doing.) 

Since I am in the middle of this self-imposed challenge, I intend to go... no matter what. Oh, and I intend to have fun. But you can be sure that I will have my Anxiety Drops close by - just in case.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 18

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There are certain parts of your body that you should NOT be aware of unless you choose to be: your eyelashes, your fingernails, your vagina. When I woke up this morning and realized this was the fifth day that I have been oh-so-aware of my vagina, I knew this was going to be a day filled with uncomfortable conversations. It was time to call my OB/GYN.

I had to tell the nurse on the phone what was happening. Then I had to tell the other nurse when I got to the office. And of course, I had to tell my doctor. My OB/GYN is one of THE best doctors I've ever had. And she has a great sense of humor. I'm not sure why I was nervous about telling her, but I was. 

After saying things like, "Oh my... I bet that does hurt," she ran a culture to rule out other possibilities. The bottom line is that I sustained an injury due to vaginal dryness. Of course I have. Oh and I definitely have some estrogen issues because my vag is pale. Are.you.kidding.me?!?!?!?

Here are some valuable things I learned from this whole experience:

1. If you are experiencing vaginal dryness, do NOT have intercourse without lubrication.
2. If intercourse hurts, stop immediately. Do NOT be a martyr.
3. If you fail to follow numbers 1 & 2... hydro-cortisone cream and Paladin will take your pain away. 
4. If after 3-5 days of doing number 3, you are still extremely aware of your vagina... call your doctor and schedule an appointment immediately.
5. Your doctor can prescribe an estrogen cream to help with the recurring vaginal dryness.
6. This is important: Do NOT use the estrogen cream while you have such an injury. It contains alcohol which creates an unfortunate burning sensation. 

If you have been wondering about how to deal with vaginal dryness, I hope this helps. And if you are sick of me talking about my vagina... I'm truly sorry. Hopefully we can move onto something else for a few days.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 17

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Today I asked an older woman about vaginal dryness. This was uncomfortable, but necessary. I needed to try to figure out what to do about the problem.

Through this conversation, I came to the following conclusions:

1. Vaginal dryness is more common than most people would like you to know.
2. If people talked about their sexual health and related issues more openly, a lot of confusion and shame would be avoided.
3. There are ways to have these uncomfortable conversations without crossing boundaries and revealing intimate details about your relationship with your spouse.

We live in a world where society has no limits on sexuality and the Church (oftentimes) is too afraid to deal with it, so scare tactics are used to avoid it. The truth is that God created sex, and He created it to be good. Maybe if we talked more openly about it, with appropriate boundaries, people would be enjoying it more. AND when genuine health concerns occur - which they do at some point in everyone's life - those issues could be dealt with quickly and effectively without shame.

In spite of being able to discuss freely the many sexual mistakes I have made in the past, it is EXTREMELY uncomfortable for me to discuss anything about my current sex life with my husband... probably because I live in the same world that you live in. For the sake of my children and their future marriages, I would like to change that. I would like them to grow up having a healthy understanding of sex, knowing the context in which it was meant to be had, and being open to talk about the potential health issues that can arise from it. That being said, you should expect another uncomfortable blog or two about it in the future.

Let's talk about...

...vaginal dryness. If you are freaking out at the mention of the term "vaginal dryness," you might want to stop reading now, because you will only get more uncomfortable.

I brought the subject up to a friend this morning. We were both so glad to know someone else who was experiencing it and who was willing to talk about it. I assume we are not alone, so I thought I would break the ice and bring it up.

I don't need to reinvent the wheel, so I thought I would let the Mayo Clinic describe the joy that is vaginal dryness for you. I have been suffering with it for some time. Not surprising considering the plethora of perimenopause symptoms I have enjoyed. 

This weekend I grew to appreciate it's complications on a whole new level. My husband and I did not take proper precautions while "celebrating" our anniversary. Being the martyr that I am, I forged ahead. Let me explain to you just how stupid that was! I am now enjoying what I would describe as diaper rash coupled with washing your vagina with a Brillo pad. NICE! (I told you this would get uncomfortable.)

I know there are estrogen therapies that can help. I just regulated my progesterone... I'm not ready to mess with the estrogen, but this is certainly not something I care to have reoccur.

Again, why am I sharing? Because I strongly believe women should be talking about this stuff. If we don't, we wonder if it's just us and we suffer alone. And that is just not OK. If you have experience with vaginal dryness and are willing to share what has worked for you, I would love to here about it. 

And if you are a man who has made it this far in my blog... good for you! Because you are probably someone who is sensitive to what is going on with your wife. 

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Something Uncomfortable: Day 16

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This morning, I signed my kids up for a summer preschool-like program. I am so NOT ready for my 3-year-old to go to school without me. But it really seems like the right thing to do. The two of them are going to have a ball. I just have to trust that they teachers will take care of my baby. UGH!

It's funny how we can't wait for our babies to walk and talk and feed themselves. While at the same time we want them to stay little forever. Letting go and trusting that God will take care of them is THE HARDEST thing I have had to do as a parent... and I have to do it repeatedly. :(

Something Uncomfortable: Day 15

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Remember when I talked about missing too many opportunities because I have been so focused on my anxieties? Well, I am happy to report that this is changing! Woohoo!

Late yesterday, my sister called. Her day hadn't gone the way she had hoped. She wanted to know if I could have my nephew come over for dinner and a playdate so she could get caught up. I said, "Yes." And I was actually really OK with it. I'm not gonna lie, my list of things I was planning to do totally ran through my head. BUT I didn't freak out. This is huge. And I didn't do it just so I would have something to blog about. I was really OK.

An opportunity to help someone I love presented itself and I took it. The kids had a blast. My sister got some stuff done. And I acted and felt like a "normal" person. I did NOT act like a nervous lunatic the whole time he was here. 

Seriously! It's almost embarrassing to keep writing about all of the nonsense that happens in my head. I knew my anxieties had gotten bad, but I really didn't understand how much of my life was affected by them... or the lives of those around me. This process is showing me how much I'm missing out on. It's so sad! But not anymore. Before long people are going to refer to me as that "super mellow and spontaneous girl." OK maybe not. I'm just hoping to lose the "rigid" label.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 14

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It's been 2 whole weeks since I started this crazy "Something Uncomfortable" challenge. I'm a little surprised that I have lasted this long. I guess the overachieving competitive side of me is stronger than the anxiety-ridden hermit side of me. Yay me! And praise God! How long am I going to keep this up? Probably until He stops showing me where I need improvements... since that will be an unending process, this could last a while.

Today's bit of uncomfortableness dealt with the phone. I called a friend instead of texting her. She was shocked. So was I. I also phoned the insurance company to ask some questions regarding our policy. I think calling the insurance company is my LEAST favorite phone call to make. I'm happy to report that it went well.

What's funny is that my level of dread decreases a little each time I make a phone call. I guess there is something to be said about facing your fears after all.

I assume that most of the general population is not riddled with anxiety and fear like I am. But I do know with certainty that we all fall short of perfection on this side of heaven. I've only just begun this journey of whittling away at my core personality flaws and have seen improvements. I can't imagine what God will do if I let Him keep this up long term. 

Whatever your issues are (fear, anxiety, addiction, etc.) I pray that you would become willing to allow God to make you a little uncomfortable each day. And in turn, allow Him to mold you into the you He created you to be.

Those Pesky Stuffed Animals

If your kids are anything like mine, stuffed animals have taken over their rooms. If you are anything like me, I can't stand the clutter. We also have dust mite allergies. That means only a handful of washable critters can live on the beds.

About a year ago, I came across this idea. We love it, so I thought I'd share.

I found these over-the-door shoe holders at Target. If it wouldn't look ridiculous I would probably cover all of the walls with them. Fear not, they are only on the kids' doors. They can be used to organize just about anything. 

May your homes be clutter-free ;)

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Something Uncomfortable: Day 13

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Today's bit of uncomfortable is actually one that I've been working on for a couple of months. It's still a work in progress, so it counts.

Adam started playing drums in the children's ministry a couple of months ago. He plays one weekend each month. When he does, I have to get the kids to church by myself. And I have to sit in church by myself until he is done playing. For whatever reason, this totally freaks me out. Ridiculous, right? Especially since I was on staff at our church for 4 or 5 years. Again, fear and anxiety are irrational, so don't waste your time trying to figure it out.

This morning was one of those mornings. I was not as nervous as usual, until I realized the following:

1. We were SUPER early. (Yay me!) I haven't heard the Prelude at church since before we had kids.
2. I wore a dress today. I usually don't... OK I never wear dresses. No big deal, it just pushed me further outside of my comfort zone.

But then some cool things happened:

1. A friend came and sat next to me. (Her husband stayed home with their puking son... what an AWESOME dad! Seriously!!)
2. They played some of my favorite songs.
3. I felt really connected to God this morning.
4. I remembered when I answered God's call on my life to go into full-time youth ministry. I hadn't thought about that day for a long time.

So overall, it was an amazing God-filled morning. It was a great illustration of how He will bless us and grow us when we allow Him to mold us. I hope you are enjoying this beautiful day that the Lord has made :)

Something Uncomfortable: Day 12

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My husband and I have often talked about putting together a list of Sleepover Safety Rules for when our kids sleepover at other people's homes. To date, they have not had a sleepover anywhere, so we have never fleshed it out. My parents are going to have the kids spend the night in a couple of weeks, so this seemed like a good time to make it happen.

The thought of telling my parents about the rules made me nervous and uncomfortable. The thought of having this conversation with the parents of my kids' friends makes my heart race and makes me want to vomit. Why? Because I like when people like me and do not like when they think I'm an overprotective and paranoid person. But what I like even less is the thought of something happening to my kids and having to live with the fact that I didn't speak up because I was too afraid of what people would think.

I shared the list with my parents this morning. I didn't think they would have a problem with the rules, because I can't imagine they would break any of them, even if I didn't tell them about them. At least I would hope not. This was more about creating a norm for our family and not making assumptions about anyone when it comes to our kids' safety. 

My parents did poke fun a little... but that's OK. It was appropriate and funny. What's important is that I grew a little bit more confident in the process.

In case you are wondering, here are the rules. 

1. There will be no alcohol consumed by anyone while our kids are in your home.
2. Do you have any firearms? If so, are they locked up properly?
3. Our children are not allowed to use the computer and internet without appropriate adult supervision.
4. Our children must ask us if a movie is appropriate before watching it at your home.
5. There will be no swimming unless we are asked.
6. There will be no showers or baths without our knowledge.
7. Our kids cannot go into a bedroom with another person and shut the door.
8. An adult must be home and we need to know who that is.
9. We want to look at the home and assess any potential safety issues regarding furniture, fireplaces, etc.
10. While they are small, please be sure the children know when you are using the oven or stove.
11. We want to know where the kids will be sleeping and with whom.

Of course some of these don't apply yet because our kids are too little, but we might as well put them all out there. And we reserve the right to modify them or add to them any time as we see fit. And people have the right to be uncomfortable with our rules and they can choose not to have our kids sleepover. Better that than the awkward conversation about our expectations not being met because no one knew what they were.

I have friends with older children that do this. I also Googled the concept and  found several sites that suggest doing something similar. This makes me feel a bit better, but I'm sure there will be many uncomfortable conversations in the future regarding our list. Parenting is so hard!

Something Uncomfortable: Day 11

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Today I woke up feeling grumpy and I had a headache. Not surprising considering the change in the barometric pressure, my looming period, and the fact that I consumed too much sugar yesterday. I knew it was going to be a Sepia day, but couldn't take it until 9:30. (You can't eat certain things an hour before or after you take it.)

Then my daughter woke up. Apparently she is feeling the same way I am today and she made it her mission to push all of my buttons. We were already running late for school, when she decided to kick her attitude into high gear. Lovely. Being the genius that I am, I threatened to NOT take her to FunShop if she did one more thing that she knew she shouldn't do. Well, six things later, I knew I had to follow through.

On a normal day, I can follow through like a professional disciplinarian. On "Sepia" days, not so much. Why is this such a big deal? Because being alone on "Sepia" days doesn't help. I was looking forward to being around people at FunShop. Not necessarily talking to any of them, but just being with the other moms, dads and kiddos. 

A good friend and I talked for a bit after I dropped my son off at preschool. She was so kind and encouraging. She agreed that even though it was uncomfortable, I had to follow through. She also had the brilliant idea to have a couple of consequences prepared and thought out before these battle of the wills happen. Taking away treats works, but I need a big one like taking away FunShop for those really difficult moments. Last year, I could threaten to put pants on my daughter... she only wanted to wear dresses. I'm going to have to figure something new out. Oh if they only came with instructions!

I took the Sepia... it's already taking the grumpies away. I followed through... which makes me sad, but glad. And now I'm just kinda down... Come on Mr. Sun, please come back out - I've been uncomfortable long enough today!

Something Uncomfortable: Day 10 UPDATE

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Our pediatrician agreed that we need to stop the over-the-counter wart medication. She thinks it will just cause a scar. She also said that the other medical treatments are painful and if she were her daughter, she would NOT do those things. She actually suggested the duct tape! How funny! So duct tape it is :)

Of course, the moral of the story here is that we shouldn't worry about things before they need to be worried about. So I just re-read my post about worrying. It was a good reminder to live in the moment rather than worrying about the what-ifs.

Henry is still with us, but I'm not worried about him anymore.