Something Uncomfortable: Day 80

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Every time I hear someone say that the weather affects their mood, I typically think they are a bit wacky. And when they start talking about the phases of the moon, I assume they will soon be heading off on a unicorn spotting expedition when they leave my presence. Thankfully, my filter usually works and I keep these thoughts to myself.

A few months ago, I was at a seminar at The Medicine Shoppe. Dave said something like this: "If the phases of the moon are strong enough to effect the tide and current, don't you think they would effect us as well?" I'm not going to lie... I thought Dave might have hopped on the wackadoodle train too. But he did have a reasonable argument. 

I started to pay attention to my moods. Holy smokes! There is totally something to the whole barometric pressure and phases of the moon theory after all. Please know, that I forget about the concept until I've been grumpy all day and then I realize that's it's raining. I'm certainly not looking to prove that I was wrong. Yet here I am admitting that I was wrong.

Anyway... It's cold and raining today. AND my Sepia is wearing off. AND I have several uncomfortable things scheduled for this weekend. AND I'm still fighting this cold. AND my day has not gone as planned. 

So how do you think I reacted when I was invited to a social outing for tomorrow? Why God? WHY?!?!? On normal days, I would have to catch my breath, process it and decide to be positive. Today, I told my husband to make the decision. He thinks it will be fun... and it will be. So I agreed to go. And I'm uncomfortable. But I know that I will have a great time, so I'm gonna put my big girl panties on and have fun.

Do you notice a change in your mood when the weather changes?

**For the record... I just Googled the differences between affect and effect. Perhaps it's the rain, but I'm more confused than ever. I'm not sure if I chose the appropriate word and I'm not sure if I should have just said then instead of than. The English language is soooo confusing. Please forgive me as I continue to butcher it. Thanks!

Something Uncomfortable: Day 79

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Today's Something Uncomfortable: Confessing to you that I have had a rough patch with food.

Life has been stressful over the last month. And when life gets stressful, I usually eat. There hasn't been a lot of sitting-down-and-binging... this time. It's been much more subtle: Stealing a bite off of my kids' plates... eating a handful of granola... eating another handful of granola... eating another handful of granola... you get the idea.

Much to my amazement, I have not gained all of the weight back. But I have been gaining and losing 3-5 pounds each week. And I feel like garbage because of it. And I'm sick. Imagine that, I'm not eating healthy portions of healthy foods and I got sick. Coincidence? Maybe, but probably not.

So on Monday, I started over. You know what's great about life? You can start over every day... or every hour... or every minute if need be.

Why is this uncomfortable to share? Because it's embarrassing to admit that I've fallen off the wagon. So why share? Because I'm guessing you fall off your wagon from time to time too. It's so much easier to climb back on that wagon when you know you are not alone and when you are not treating it like it's a secret.

So what's your wagon? Have you fallen off it recently? Are you willing to join me and start over right now?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 78

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I'm sick. Sore throat... slight fever... can't ignore it... sick. And of all weeks, I REALLY don't have time for this. 

Instead of bulldozing my way through my planned schedule, I'm trying to decide what can go. Ugh! I'm so not good at that.

I cancelled my allergy shots this morning and rescheduled for next week. I agreed to not do anything physical after naps. And I told my son that I should probably stay home from his last soccer practice. :(

I'll assess tomorrow's schedule in the morning.

I'm trying to get better at not overdoing it and admitting when I need to rest. I just wish I wasn't forced to practice when I don't have time to.

Do you have a hard time slowing down when your body is shutting down?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 77

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At church yesterday, Jake talked about how unresolved anger can cause us to lash out at people around us. Duh - Right? But he also challenged us to try to figure out the original cause of such anger and deal with it. OK, maybe I should listen... I always think it's funny how I think I know everything until I hear it presented in a new way. This is why it's important to always be listening. You never know when God might be speaking to you.

This morning I realized that I am violently angry with someone I know about something that does NOT affect me directly. What in the world? So I thought, "OK, Jake, let's give this a try."

After retracing my footsteps - or my anger - I realized that I am mad because of our debt. I'm mad at myself because we have so much debt due to poor choices that I made when I was young. And I'm mad at God because He won't fix it.

You see we faithfully tithe and have throughout our marriage. And we went out on a limb, trusting God, when I quit my job, went back to school and entered full-time ministry. We have drastically cut back our spending and even just cancelled satellite TV. So what gives, God? Don't you think you could help us dig our way out of this already?

Well the truth is, that I don't always give with a cheerful heart. And God gave me the free gift of salvation by sacrificing His Son on the cross. Pretty sure He doesn't owe me a thing. And no matter how hard I try, I can never match the sacrifice He made. So there's really nothing to be mad at God about.

There are consequences to the choices we make. The consequences to poor financial decisions is debt. We have had people in the financial world look at our situation. The result is always the same... they have NO CLUE how the numbers add up. Want to know why? Because God is in control!!! How can I be mad at Him for keeping us afloat when it's our fault that we should be sinking?

So per Jake's suggestion, I am taking some uncomfortable steps today... I am cancelling the debt with the fringe person that makes me mad. I've confessed my poor attitude to my husband. I've realized God doesn't owe me a thing. And I'm excited about the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders. 

Who are you angry at for no good reason? What debt do you need to forgive?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 76

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When I think of the sacrifices soldiers and their families make on my behalf, I am humbled to my core. For centuries men and women have fought and died to protect their core beliefs. And their families have sacrificed greatly to support them. Words cannot express my gratitude, nor can they adequately thank them. 


Countless soldiers have given their lives to protect my freedoms. Because of them I mindlessly use my right to vote... my right to free speech... my right to religious freedom... and many more. 


On this Sabbath, on this Memorial Day weekend, I would simply like to say thank you to all of those who gave their lives so my family and I can live ours. And I pray that God will protect and bless those who continue that fight.

Thank you!

Something Uncomfortable: Day 75

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I can't garden. Why? Because I have allergies.

When my children wanted to buy a flower for me for Mother's Day, I assumed it would be a waste of money. But hey, it would make them happy. So they bought me a hydrangea plant (I have always wanted one).

It's been living in my house for 2 weeks and I have not had any allergy issues. Woohoo! Isn't it beautiful?

Happy Mother's Day

This morning, I headed to the Farmer's Market looking for scallions and cilantro. I need them so I can make salsa tomorrow. Yum!

The only cilantro I could find was growing in a pot. Well, I can't garden... OR have I just condemned myself to live a life where I believe I can't garden? I took a chance and bought three starter plants. And my step-dad was kind enough to transplant them into a larger pot.

Cilantro!

By taking a somewhat uncomfortable leap of faith, my kids and I have started a mini indoor herb garden. How fun?

What have you convinced yourself that you can't do? Are you willing to step out in faith and give it a try? 

Have you SEEN this guy? Too fun NOT to share ;)

Something Uncomfortable: Day 74

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There are a couple of "areas" in my world that seem to overwhelm me on a regular basis. One such area is the kitchen. I love to bake and I enjoy cooking healthy foods for myself and my family. HOWEVER, there are times when I walk into the kitchen, think about the next cooking task and want to collapse on the floor weeping. Why? Who knows, really? It's just one of the things that triggers my anxiety.

Until about a year ago (when I started to really work on my hormone situation), this happened more days than not. We ate out A LOT and threw out food that I just couldn't get to in time. So wasteful and so sad.

I was supposed to make chicken nuggets last night for dinner. I cut and soaked them yesterday after lunch. When my neck went out again, I knew I couldn't finish them last night. I figured they would be fine to soak until lunch today.

10 minutes before I was supposed to start on them today, I received a phone call. 20 minutes after I was supposed to start them, I got off the phone. The anxiety and dread came on quickly. I wanted to throw out the chicken and the corn on the cob and make PB & J. Do you have any idea how many cobs of corn I have thrown out because I just can't bring myself to cook them? It's embarrassing.

Fortunately, the shame of wasting food overcame the anxiety and I was able to make the lunch. The great thing is that I made enough nuggets to freeze for 3 dinners. I try to save things like the frozen nuggets for those overwhelming kitchen moments.

Chicken Nugget Assembly Line

I don't always win these battles. But I'm happy to report that today, I forced myself to be uncomfortable and faced the anxiety head on.

They are delicious - SO MUCH BETTER than store-bought. And the best part is: I actually know what's in them.

What overwhelms you to the point of not doing it?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 73

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Based on yesterday's post, I'm sure the following will NOT be surprising: I only know how to clean the right way. What is the right way you ask? It's the insane, OCD perfectionist way, of course!

If I want to clean my house, it typically takes me 3-4 days. Because we live in a giant Beverly Hills mansion, right? Um, no... we live in a 2 bedroom bungalow. I know, it's beyond any human reasoning. And because it is such a daunting task, I procrastinate doing it. Which means the house gets dirtier and my own personal hell gets bigger.

A few weeks ago, I decided I was going to stop the insanity and figure out how to clean like a normal person. Here's what I'm doing:

• I'm doing a general dusting and vacuuming each week. (I'm no longer dumping all of the toy buckets out and dusting each piece.)
• We are picking up as we go.
• I finally realized my kids are old enough to help. Each week they are tackling a deep-clean dusting project of their own.

Here's where today's uncomfortableness comes in: This week my children were assigned the daunting task of dusting the basement play room. It took them 4 or 5 days, but they finished this morning. I did not hover. I did not manage them. I did not inspect their work. Is it perfect? No. But it's good enough.

My kids are learning responsibility and the importance of being a team player and helping out. I'm learning to relax a little and let things be good enough. Awesome!

What do you need to let go of?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 72

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Today has been all about me learning NOT to put unrealistic expectations on myself. This is obviously very difficult for an OCD perfectionist, but whatever... my day has left me little choice.

Yesterday, my sports bra pulled my neck out. Let it sink in. Yes you read it correctly. Don't question it. Just know that these are the things that happen to me... all the time. And they always have. I believe I had to go to Prompt Care as a child on two occasions because I vacuumed my big toe. What? If you lift the vacuum slightly as you pull it toward you, you will not get those silly lines in your carpet. Don't judge... 

Anyway, I did not sleep well last night because of the neck pain. I woke up at 6:00 and took 2 Ibuprofen. Not a great idea seeing as how I rarely take pain meds and I hadn't eaten. As I began to get a bit of a buzz, I stayed in bed and went through the day's schedule:

• Get everyone fed, dressed and ready in a hurry.
• Be at my parents' house to workout by 8:00.
• Be at playgroup at 9:30.
• Home for lunch by 11:30.
• Shower the kids.
• Bake 6 batches of pumpkin muffins (because I had 6 cans of pumpkin and the exact number of eggs for 6 batches, so it must be God's will that I make 6 batches TODAY).
• Blog and do bookwork by the kids' 2:00 nap (clearly I did not do the math on the baking time for the God ordained 6 batches of pumpkin muffins.)
• Spend some quality time playing with my kids after naps.
• Cook chicken and corn on the cob for dinner by 6:00.
• Take a shower
• Get the kids to bed by 7:45.

Let me tell you what really happened:

• By 7:50 this morning, finally convinced myself that working out would not be good for my neck. (And I haven't completely figured out the whole sports bra thing anyway.)
• Threw clothes on the kids and fed them breakfast at 8:15.
• Got to play group at 9:31.
• Repeatedly told my weeping daughter that I could NOT push her on the swing because my neck hurt. And then she refused to ask my friend to help her, even though my friend offered to help.
• Got my kids home at 11:20 so my husband could shower them because my neck hurt.
• Fed my kids left over cold pizza (which they like) and bananas at 12:30.
• Started making pumpkin muffins like a crazy person because I had an appointment with the chiropractor at 2:40.
• Conceded that God doesn't care how many batches of pumpkin muffins I make around 1:30. 5 was enough and I needed to get to the doctor.
• Told my daughter she had 5 minuted to FINALLY FINISH HER LUNCH at 1:45!
• Got to the chiropractor at 2:43.
• Put the kids down for naps at 4:00.
• Poured some coffee and started this post at 4:15.

Now ask me what's for dinner... how about one the 131 pumpkin muffins I made today? 

I swear, today has involved one issue after another that has forced me to let "it" go. Maybe if I stop scheduling our days down to the minute, it won't be so uncomfortable when life happens and the schedule has to be scrapped.

Please tell me I'm not alone. Does anyone else continually put unrealistic expectations on themselves and then have to deal with the disappointment when you don't meet those expectations?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 71

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Yesterday was just a big uncomfortable mess. Today around noon, I realized I had really not been uncomfortable yet. The break was nice, but I figured I had better get cracking. So I decided to tackle our TV situation.

We have an embarrassing amount of debt. We've been slowly picking away at it for years. Every time we seem to be making progress, life happens. We own a small construction company that does fairly well. But not well enough for me to stay home with the kids AND eliminate our debt. So we have been trying to figure out where we can cut back.

I was shocked when my husband said he was ready to give up the satellite TV. Went went years with nothing more than basic cable. Sure we missed some things, but we managed. I think it's amazing that he is willing to give up the sports stations again.

When we made the decision to cancel DirecTV, I questioned my Facebook friends to see how any of them survive without paid TV. I was shocked at the amazing options out there. Frankly, I think we've been wasting our money for far too long. Here's our new plan:

• Get an HD antennae - I think this is the one we are going to get.
• Get Hulu+
• We bought a Roku 2 bundle from Sam's for the bedroom (which was on sale & came with 2 free months of Hulu+ - Awesome!) 
• We are going to continue our Netflix subscription... for now. We plan to evaluate whether we need it or not after we try Hulu for a while.
• We can use our Wii to watch Netflix & Hulu in the family room.

So my bit of uncomfortable today was to call DirecTV and cancel our account. I originally told Adam he should do it and had several reasons why he should be the one to call. But let's be honest, there is no reason why I couldn't call. So I did... and I survived.

It's actually pretty amazing to hear the many ways DTV will try to keep your business. It kind of made me wonder why they can't charge such low rates all the time, but whatever. I did find out that we can suspend our service for 6 months at no charge. That way we would have the option to reinstate the service without having to start a new contract. I can't imagine we will reinstate it, but on the off chance we win the lottery (which we don't play) and can't find something better to spend our money on, we won't have to sign a contract to turn it back on.

What task have you "delegated" to a loved one to do so you don't have to be uncomfortable? What are you wasting money on that you can get rid of?