What the...?

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If you know me at all, you should know to be thankful that I have a filter at all right now. Because all I really want to do is sit and cry and smoke and drink and curse like a *@#&ing sailor.

I hate pity parties and I refuse to participate in them for longer than 2-3 days. Just when I move past one, something else happens and I’m right back in another pity party. December 2012 has sucked and I‘m pretty much over it.

Oh my goodness, what is she rambling about NOW?

Not only do I have a golf-ball sized itchy hive on my back that will NOT GO AWAY. But I am also having a herpes outbreak for the first time in about 5 years. What the…? Well, let me tell you what the… This flipping flu virus is so brutal that my immune system just can’t handle it anymore. My strong, healthy immune system has gone on strike and now every dormant disease in my body is running around having a party. WHAT THE…?

So today, when our pediatrician asked if I wanted to give my kids -who have the flu- the flu shot, I didn’t know if I should cry or punch her. My daughter has been randomly crying all day because she has been sick for a month… no, I don’t want to put one more thing in her little body so her immune system can completely shut down. And no, I do NOT want her to get the flu again. 

SHOOT.ME.NOW! 

We didn’t get it. And won’t. And the doctor was really sweet about it. She was just trying to be helpful. I really do adore her.

I am naturally a very negative person. I have to actively work at being positive and looking on the bright side of things. I am failing miserably right now. Just ask my poor facebook friends. Shoot, most have probably blocked me at this point. I’m sure I would have. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

So what is my point in writing this post? I have no clue. I know God is big and holy and just and that I’m being a big baby. And I totally get that things could be so much worse. But right now, my world is as bad as I’d like it for awhile. And I’m really struggling not to be completely depressed while continuing to be trapped in the sick ward in Schneiderland. So maybe my point in writing this post is to say that I’m real and I’m broken right now and I’m really sorry for being so negative. And maybe if you are struggling in this season like I am, it will help to know that someone else who “gets” God is having an annoying pity party too.

Bleh.

Why Does Everything Seem to Go Wrong During the Holidays?

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The older I get, I find myself asking that question more and more. Seriously. Why do we experience what seems to be more drama and crisis during this time of year? If you are anything like me, you’ve not only wrestled with that personally, but also with God. I mean, what is He thinking? Why allow the holidays to be difficult?

Here’s what’s happening in my little world right now:

• My father-in-law has cancer for the third time. And this time, it’s in his bones. And it hurts. I don’t mean hurt… I mean HURT. Like no one should suffer like that… pain. Why? And why now?
• In the last three weeks, my kids have had strep, a stomach virus and the flu. For the record, I do not ever remember experiencing influenza. It’s nasty and mean. My babies have wailed in pain from high fevers and body aches for days. And now my husband has it. I’m refusing to get it. So I should be good. ;)
• We found out yesterday that my 93-year-old grandma has blood in her stool… again. She had a horrible bleed last year that almost killed her. I can’t even wrap my brain around this happening again.
• And on the way to work this morning, my poor achy husband’s truck started shaking. Apparently it caught the flu too.

To be honest, that’s nothing compared to what some of you are dealing with. So again, why right now?

When my father-in-law was diagnosed a few weeks ago, I had the following thought:

Maybe now is the best time for all of the junk. Maybe God is not being mean, but instead He’s being merciful. How can I say that? Because even amongst all of the pain and heartache, right now we have Christmas. That beautiful moment where we focus on the glorious fact that He sent His Son to us. It doesn’t take away the pain. It doesn’t heal the fevers. It doesn’t fix the cars. But Christmas DOES give us hope. Hope when it’s hard to have hope. Hope when we need it the most.

While we live in this fallen world, there will always be pain, drama and junk. I’m thankful for the reminder that is Christmas… to look to Him when life is the hardest.

I’m praying for God’s peace and hope for all of you who are hurting this holiday season.

There ARE Options…

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My son has been extremely sick with the flu or flu-like illness since Friday. My daughter finished her antibiotics for strep on Friday only to have a slight fever and 24-hour stomach bug starting yesterday afternoon. Just when that seemed to be resolving itself, she spiked a high fever and is in bed with the flu. Apparently we are sampling all of the lovelies being passed around school. Awesome. Have I mentioned how much I loathe the numerous springs we have had this fall? BRING ON THE FREEZE ALREADY!!!!

Fevers freak me out. Especially ones that make my babies cry in pain. We are only at the beginning of what I’m guessing will be 48-72 hours of fever for my baby girl. (That’s how long it took for my son.)

Add to my freak-out the fact that it’s holiday party week at school… and I’m in charge of one party and have the party favors for the other one at my house. Hello OCD nightmare.

Of course, as I’m freaking out, I’m also beating myself of with guilt because at least we don’t live in Connecticut… my babies may be super-sick, but they are super-here. So I am desperately trying not to be desperate. I AM a problem-solver.  Now let’s solve the problem.

The solution: both kids are staying home tomorrow no matter what. No one wants us to give them this for Christmas. I’ve emailed the other room mom in my daughter’s class to see how I can get the goods to her. And on Wednesday, Pa will watch whichever sickies are quarantined to our house. Adam, my mom and I will go to my son’s school and throw a spectacular Holiday Party for his class. And if my son can’t be there, we will have another spectacular Holiday party at my house when we get home. Problems solved.

I’m telling you this to remind you that there ARE options. Even when things look bleak and aren’t turning out the way you planned, there are ways to make it work. Good thing I’ve been practicing being uncomfortable this year… now to work on not being so whiny ;)