I woke up this morning feeling compelled to share this with you. Perhaps it's because it's an election year or perhaps someone just really needs to hear it. Whatever the reason, here we go.
This was the testimony I gave before the Human Services Committee in 2004. The bill did not pass, but I learned a lot from the experience. There is nothing black and white about abortion, although we would like to pretend there is. What we need to remember is that there are REAL people involved who are experiencing situations that we do not understand. We should not be quick to judge because we never know what hand may be dealt us. To be clear, I have never been comfortable with either side of the issue...
Testimony in front of the Human Services Committee
Regarding House Bill 4643 – Creates a Woman’s Right to Know
Act (Informed Consent)
Wednesday,
March 3, 2004
Mr. Chairperson and
members of the Committee, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my
testimony with you.
On December 17, 1993, after having
positive results on a home pregnancy test, I went to the Planned Pregnancy
center in Springfield.
A urine pregnancy test confirmed my pregnancy. The date of my last period
before the test was October
25, 1993. I was 19, my boyfriend was 17 and I was scared.
Upon receiving the
positive test results, I burst into tears. I had a full-tuition academic
scholarship, my relationship with my parents was shaky and my boyfriend was
still in high school. The “Family-Planning Specialist/Counselor” assured me
that this problem could be taken care
of and proceeded to give me a list of abortion clinics in Illinois.
I left Planned Parenthood
and met my boyfriend. I told him I was pregnant and showed him the information
I received from the counselor. We decided to have an abortion. He phoned the Champaign clinic and scheduled an appointment for a day
following the Christmas holiday. We were to arrive at 8:45 with $330 in cash. They did not accept
checks.
The day of the
appointment was the scariest day of my life. We arrived at the clinic at the
appointed time. After registering, they promptly took our money and asked us to
take a seat. It was like waiting in line at a funeral home. The tension in the
air was so thick that it was suffocating.
I was taken into a room
where my pregnancy was confirmed. I then had an ultrasound. I was never asked
if I wanted to see the screen. Instead, the technician turned the screen toward
her at an angle that prevented me from seeing anything. Next, I was sent to a
counselor who wanted to make sure I wanted to proceed. She never told me that I
might experience psychological trauma later in life. She simply wanted to have
me sign one more piece of paper.
Finally, I was taken into
the room where the procedure would take place. I was administered the “you
won’t remember the procedure” drug. It was in the procedure room that I met the
doctor for the first time. I never saw the doctor again once the procedure was
over.
When it was over, my boyfriend
and I were sent out the back door and were told to go to the emergency room if
I experienced any complications. I knew before we left the parking lot that
this had been a bad idea. I did not fully comprehend the magnitude of the
psychological consequences I would face, but it did not take long for them to
begin.
I need to tell you that I
was not raised in the Church. In fact, I was strong in my Pro-Choice beliefs. I
did not believe that anyone had the right to tell me what I could or could not
do with my body. What I did not know was that I did not have all of the
information I needed to make an informed
choice.
My boyfriend broke up
with me shortly after the abortion. I do not believe either of us could deal
with what we had done. Subsequently, I spent many years drowning my pain in
alcohol and substance abuse. I also believed that no man would ever truly love
me because I had had an abortion, so I proceeded to attempt to feed my need for
love through promiscuous activity.
It was not until I began
a relationship with the Lord that any healing took place. Many years of denial
ended with several years of counseling. I found healing through the forgiveness
of my Lord. He has also blessed me with an amazing husband. The sad thing is
that every time I think I have finally truly moved past the pain, another layer
of the onion is peeled away.
Last year, I went to my
sister’s first ultrasound appointment. It was the first time I saw the screen.
As I looked at my unborn nephew, I realized the enormity of what I had done. I
would venture to guess that I will face even greater pain when my husband and I
attempt to get pregnant and are successful for the first time. The core of the
pain will probably never completely go away.
I come before you today
not because I am a Bible-beating fanatic, nor because I am looking to ban
abortions. I come before you today because I do not want another woman to come
to me crying and stating that she did not know. Based on who I am today and the
scientific knowledge I have been exposed to, I would venture to guess that I
would have likely made a different decision had House Bill 4643 been in effect
in 1993. If someone had shown me pictures of the fetus in the womb or if
someone had told me that there were potential physical and psychological
consequences that could take their toll on my life, I probably would have taken
my chances as a single teenage mother.
I simply do not
understand why this bill would be opposed by the Pro-Choice movement. We live
in a state that values education. I would hope that we value women enough to
educate them in the choices they make that affect their physical and emotional
health.
Before I had my wisdom
teeth pulled, I was shown a video, given written information, consulted by a
physician and a nurse, and then made an appointment to come back in a week. I
jumped through more hoops to have teeth removed then I did to terminate my
pregnancy. I have encountered many women who have sought counseling to cope
with an abortion, but I have yet to encounter anyone who has sought counseling
for a tooth extraction. It simply does not make sense.
I merely want to offer
the women of Illinois
the information I believe they have a right to before they make their choice. I
implore you to consider this bill as an opportunity to improve the physical and
psychological health of the women in this state.
**I have since been blessed with two beautiful children. And yes, it saddens me to think that I missed out on the joy of raising my aborted child. However, I not longer feel shame for the decision we made because I know with certainty, that my child is in heaven with the God who loves me. I look forward to meeting her one day.
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