That Thing

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You know that thing. The one that’s been bothering you for as long as you remember. You’ve dealt with it as much as you can: therapy, prayer, forgiveness, etc. And for 90% of your functioning life, you don’t even think about it.

But then something happens to bring it up and there it is staring you in the face… that thing.

Your feelings become raw again and you just want them to go away. You don’t want to talk to the people involved because it will just make them feel bad. No one can change the situation anyway. Frankly, you are over it intellectually, so why would you hurt them by talking about it? But there you are in your sad little puddle of emotion facing that thing again. UGH!

Why? Seriously, why are we wired this way? I know, I know… the fall… we are human… blah, blah, blah. I get it. I just wish when it came to that thing I could put my emotional big girl panties on and get over it. I want to move on. I want my heart to catch up with my brain already. Grrrrr!!!!!

I want to be free. I want to do whatever something uncomfortable nonsense I need to do to make it go away.

Am I alone here? Or do you struggle with that thing too?

I Hate Hormones, Yes I Do, I Hate Hormones How About You?

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Seriously. Hormones stink. And no matter how you look at it, we women have to deal with them our ENTIRE lives. Forget the silly election; let’s talk about something that really matters…

As you know by now, I have had the great privilege of starting peri-menopause WAY TOO EARLY. Synthetic hormones turn me into a lunatic. And I’m a big proponent of working to find and treat the problem rather than mask the symptoms.

I’ve had great success with homeopathic hormone therapy for some time. But I started to notice some changes about six months ago: heavier spotting (I had an ablation before I knew better), increased breast tenderness, the glorious return of the hot flash and severe mood crashes that would likely be classified as clinical depression. Just.so.awesome.

So I redid a saliva hormone panel only to find out my hormone levels were doing well with the aid of the progesterone cream. Yay! But then what is the problem?

Then I did an adrenal test to see if the hormones weren’t being processed in my body correctly. I found out today that that looks normal. Yay! But then what is the problem? Wait, did I just say that?

So now what?

Beaux at the Medicine Shoppe had me start taking fiber every day to help with the fibrocystic breast issue. Strange, but it seems to be working. I might just be having a good month, so we will know more over time.

Today, I told Beaux that sudden mood swings have been WAY more intense lately. Frankly, they’ve been scary. Not suicidal scary, but scary enough that this has to be our top priority. The Sepia still helps, but we both agreed that I should try to take the Sepia preventatively rather than as a reaction to the sudden dives. And he is going to do some more research to see if there is something else we can do.

You might be thinking, “Why don’t you get on antidepressants?” Well, to begin with, medication and I don’t typically mix well. I’d like to try to remove as many chemicals from my body as possible, not add to them. I’m allergic to, well, almost everything. And the thought of going through the trial and error phase doesn’t thrill me.

Second, there is a definite pattern with the lows. They don’t happen at the same each month. But when they do happen, it’s during one of the three hormonal shifts I have in my cycle. Again, I’d like to figure out how to deal with the problem rather than the solution.

Let me stress a very important point: I AM NOT AGAINST ANTIDEPRESSANTS. I’m not concerned about the social ramifications that might come with them. And I know that they have saved countless lives. However for me, they are my last resort rather than my first choice.

This is why I’m taking the time to write to you today: You are NOT ALONE and you are NOT CRAZY! Hormones suck. Sorry, but they do. And just when you think you have it figured out, something changes and you are back to square one.

I implore you NOT TO GIVE UP! If you do some testing and they find nothing, don’t be discouraged. If you are experiencing symptoms, then they are real. You just haven’t identified the cause… yet.

And please, DON’T DO THIS ALONE. Talk to someone. Shoot, talk to me. I’ll listen. And this is somewhat anonymous – for you anyway, right?

Stupid apple… stupid serpent… stupid girl… Who am I fooling? I probably would have eaten it too. Bleh.

The Election

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In spite of the risk of being bombarded with negativity, I am going to be uncomfortable and share a few thoughts on today’s election. So here we go…

As Americans, we are blessed to enjoy the freedom to vote for those who govern our great country. Why? Because countless men and women fought and many even died to give us that right.

I am saddened by the ugliness that many show in response to their sacrifice. Social media has become so littered with hatred and negativity that it's embarrassing. People calling each other stupid for backing a different candidate. Candidates bashing each other and being cruel in their campaigns. It’s all just too ridiculous.

In talking to my 6-year-old about the election, I explained to him that my presidential vote was going to the person whom I agreed with the most. The other person was a good person with good intentions, but I don’t agree with everything he stands for. But no matter who gets elected, I will be kind and support him because he will be our president.

Why can’t we agree to disagree… respectfully?

Today, I pray you vote. Don’t vote in anger. Don’t vote in spite. But vote for the people whose policies you agree with most. And if they don’t get elected, support those who do. We live in a great country that deserves respect. Let’s stop acting like spoiled brats. Instead, let’s act like people who deserve the respect we seek.