Are you one of us?

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A friend of mine and I have been talking about how there seems to be a cloud of depression covering a lot of people we know… ourselves included. It’s not surprising considering the state of our world globally, nationally and locally. And personally, we have entered into the stage of life where death and looming death are prominent. Add to that, other difficult everyday situations and you’ve got a breeding ground for the blues. And guess who couldn’t be happier…

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

I mean really, is there a better way to win a spiritual battle than to make people question their sanity, to make them not be able to function and to make them question their worth? Oh. My. Goodness! GET BEHIND ME satan!

In our desperation, my friend and I decided to hold one another accountable in fighting against it. Here are some of the things we are going to attempt to do:

• Cry out to Jesus in prayer throughout the day. I’m not talking about anything fancy here, folks. I literally mean, “Jesus, help me please!” We have to redirect our thoughts to God if we want to truly conquer this. And the only One who can actually fight this battle for us is Jesus. 

• Stop making “To Do” lists and start making “I Got It Done” lists. We have to focus on the successes, NOT the failures.

• Focus on the day’s blessings rather than ruminating on what’s wrong in our lives and the world.

• Stop trying to fix anyone else. We have to focus on what God is trying to accomplish in us.

I’m sure there will be more, but that’s where I’m starting. And after a little bit of wrestling with God about it, I think I’m supposed to share those struggles and wins with you. So you can expect little posts about this battle I’m in. For example:

This morning, I got up, put on my makeup and fixed my hair. However, the thought of brushing my teeth was overwhelming. Gross, I know. Especially gross for someone who has some severe germ issues. Thankfully, I remembered my conversation with my friend yesterday. With that, I forged ahead and brushed my teeth. It sounds so ridiculous as I write this, but I literally had to convince myself to brush my teeth. Considering the spiritual battle we are fighting, it makes perfect sense. I mean, can you imagine how I would have beaten myself up all day if I hadn’t done it? I can.

Are you one of us? Are you fighting a cloud of depression? Do you want to join us in tackling the root of the problem? I hope you’ll join us as we battle “the spiritual forces of evil” and delight in our identity in Christ.

That Thing

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You know that thing. The one that’s been bothering you for as long as you remember. You’ve dealt with it as much as you can: therapy, prayer, forgiveness, etc. And for 90% of your functioning life, you don’t even think about it.

But then something happens to bring it up and there it is staring you in the face… that thing.

Your feelings become raw again and you just want them to go away. You don’t want to talk to the people involved because it will just make them feel bad. No one can change the situation anyway. Frankly, you are over it intellectually, so why would you hurt them by talking about it? But there you are in your sad little puddle of emotion facing that thing again. UGH!

Why? Seriously, why are we wired this way? I know, I know… the fall… we are human… blah, blah, blah. I get it. I just wish when it came to that thing I could put my emotional big girl panties on and get over it. I want to move on. I want my heart to catch up with my brain already. Grrrrr!!!!!

I want to be free. I want to do whatever something uncomfortable nonsense I need to do to make it go away.

Am I alone here? Or do you struggle with that thing too?

Day 179: Can you believe I can honestly put those words together in a sentence?

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I’ve been lying in bed, thinking about my week and crying on and off since 4:30. So I thought I might as well get up and write about it…

My husband worked all weekend last week (Labor Day weekend). I had a migraine on Saturday. Of course, my chiropractor was closed (holiday weekend). So I had to suffer through it while taking care of the kids. It was brutal, but it made me even more thankful for the many times my chiropractor has saved me over the past several years.

My son just finished week three of Kindergarten. He cried 3 of the 4 days he had school. Yesterday, he started crying as soon as we got out of the car. I opened the door to grab a Kleenex. He jumped back in and became one with the chair. He ended up coming out, but it was so heart-breaking!

My daughter started preschool this week. She all but jumped out of the moving van to run in. She’s doing VERY well, but it’s just another schedule change… in my world that I like to control but clearly can’t.

Yesterday was day 2 of our garage sale. The antique dealers have all been kind to me this year… that never happens. My garage-sale-arch-nemesis who yells at me each sale for a $5 camera he bought that worked when he was here – but “not when he got home,” came by. I silently prayed for him… and me… and it was a fairly pleasant, uneventful experience. Praise God! I’ve actually been praying about that one since our last sale in April.

We have also sold over $75 worth of pumpkin muffins, cookies & water. That means we get to purchase over 75 books for the kids at my son’s school! Again, praise God!

But yesterday around 2:20, 2 women came by the sale and ended up making me cry… hysterically… for 20+ minutes. 

It started with them telling me that my juice bottles should be 50¢ instead of $1.00. I told them that they were actually kind of expensive. They told me they can get them at the Dollar Store. I said, “OK.” And walked back to my muffins. I don’t shop at the Dollar Store… maybe I should.

As one of them was buying a golf towel from me for 10¢, the other started loudly telling the rest of the customers, “She’s crazy! Her prices are too high. She’s gonna have to bring everything back inside because she’s not going to sell anything! You need to turn around and leave!” AND THEY DID! 

I told her that I actually sell quite a bit each time. Mistake. She starting yelling at me as she (and everyone else) walked down my excessively long driveway. “I bet you do! See all these people leaving buying NOTHING!” 

I politely said, “We all have the right to do what we need to do. Thanks for stopping by.” They yelled until they got into their car and closed the doors.

I was verbally assaulted by two garage sale bullies. Can you believe I can honestly put those words together in a sentence? 

My husband and I have been contemplating doing less garage sales. Since the baby stuff and estate items have sold (at my ridiculous prices), the profits have slowly decreased. After yesterday’s assault, we decided that we are done. We would much rather bless some families with our hand-me-downs than go through the hassle. What’s hard for me is that this was the one thing that I did that actually brought in cash. We made give or take $2,000 each year for 3½ years between our two sales. I know I contribute… I do the books for our construction company and I get to raise our sweet babies. But I’ll admit, it was really amazing being “The Garage Sale Queen” – as my one sweet friend calls me – and bringing in actual money.

So I don’t want to open this morning. And I’m crying again as I type this. But here’s the thing… we raised over $75 to buy books for kids. And I have 6 hours to raise some more. So I’m going to put my big girl panties on. Shove a Kleenex in my pocket. And go sell some muffins.

And just when my pity party was getting started, God told me to read my devo from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that, I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.

On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like that present a choice between two alternatives—giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day. Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior.
—Psalm 42:5

For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God’s power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God’s power we will live with him to serve you.
—2 Corinthians 13:4

“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”
—Jeremiah 31:25

I’m NOT giving up. Enough said. Please pray that I would stop crying long enough for my husband can go get me a latte… I’ve got muffins to sell!