A Big Win

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It’s amazing how talking about something can diffuse it. Don’t you think?

Since talking with my friend and sharing with you the other day, I seem to be moving in a much better direction. Life is far from perfect, but my reaction to it seems to be a bit better.

I told you that I would share as I go through this battle, so I wanted to take a moment to tell you about a big win…

Because of Lincoln’s birthday, my kids were off of school for the past 5 days. Since our Christmas break was high jacked by the flu, I wanted to make sure I really engaged with the kids each of those five days. And I did. We had at least one adventure each day including Chuck E Cheese’s, ice cream, breakfast at our favorite café, baking cookies and a long excursion at Scheels. I even said yes to playdough… 3 days in a row! It’s been glorious!

Over the course of those 5 days, subtle and not-so-subtle attacks came. And on a few occasions, I wanted to throw in the towel. But I didn’t. Instead, I’ve been crying out to Jesus and sending quick texts back and forth to my sweet friend. And I’ve been focusing on the I-got-it-dones rather than the I’ve-got-to-get-that-dones. Whatever. It’s my blog. I can make up words if I want to. ;)

Bottom line… I feel hopeful. And that’s a great thing to feel when you are battling against the one who is trying to steal it from you.

Are you feeling hopeful? Or has your hope been stolen from you?

Are you one of us?

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A friend of mine and I have been talking about how there seems to be a cloud of depression covering a lot of people we know… ourselves included. It’s not surprising considering the state of our world globally, nationally and locally. And personally, we have entered into the stage of life where death and looming death are prominent. Add to that, other difficult everyday situations and you’ve got a breeding ground for the blues. And guess who couldn’t be happier…

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

I mean really, is there a better way to win a spiritual battle than to make people question their sanity, to make them not be able to function and to make them question their worth? Oh. My. Goodness! GET BEHIND ME satan!

In our desperation, my friend and I decided to hold one another accountable in fighting against it. Here are some of the things we are going to attempt to do:

• Cry out to Jesus in prayer throughout the day. I’m not talking about anything fancy here, folks. I literally mean, “Jesus, help me please!” We have to redirect our thoughts to God if we want to truly conquer this. And the only One who can actually fight this battle for us is Jesus. 

• Stop making “To Do” lists and start making “I Got It Done” lists. We have to focus on the successes, NOT the failures.

• Focus on the day’s blessings rather than ruminating on what’s wrong in our lives and the world.

• Stop trying to fix anyone else. We have to focus on what God is trying to accomplish in us.

I’m sure there will be more, but that’s where I’m starting. And after a little bit of wrestling with God about it, I think I’m supposed to share those struggles and wins with you. So you can expect little posts about this battle I’m in. For example:

This morning, I got up, put on my makeup and fixed my hair. However, the thought of brushing my teeth was overwhelming. Gross, I know. Especially gross for someone who has some severe germ issues. Thankfully, I remembered my conversation with my friend yesterday. With that, I forged ahead and brushed my teeth. It sounds so ridiculous as I write this, but I literally had to convince myself to brush my teeth. Considering the spiritual battle we are fighting, it makes perfect sense. I mean, can you imagine how I would have beaten myself up all day if I hadn’t done it? I can.

Are you one of us? Are you fighting a cloud of depression? Do you want to join us in tackling the root of the problem? I hope you’ll join us as we battle “the spiritual forces of evil” and delight in our identity in Christ.

What the...?

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If you know me at all, you should know to be thankful that I have a filter at all right now. Because all I really want to do is sit and cry and smoke and drink and curse like a *@#&ing sailor.

I hate pity parties and I refuse to participate in them for longer than 2-3 days. Just when I move past one, something else happens and I’m right back in another pity party. December 2012 has sucked and I‘m pretty much over it.

Oh my goodness, what is she rambling about NOW?

Not only do I have a golf-ball sized itchy hive on my back that will NOT GO AWAY. But I am also having a herpes outbreak for the first time in about 5 years. What the…? Well, let me tell you what the… This flipping flu virus is so brutal that my immune system just can’t handle it anymore. My strong, healthy immune system has gone on strike and now every dormant disease in my body is running around having a party. WHAT THE…?

So today, when our pediatrician asked if I wanted to give my kids -who have the flu- the flu shot, I didn’t know if I should cry or punch her. My daughter has been randomly crying all day because she has been sick for a month… no, I don’t want to put one more thing in her little body so her immune system can completely shut down. And no, I do NOT want her to get the flu again. 

SHOOT.ME.NOW! 

We didn’t get it. And won’t. And the doctor was really sweet about it. She was just trying to be helpful. I really do adore her.

I am naturally a very negative person. I have to actively work at being positive and looking on the bright side of things. I am failing miserably right now. Just ask my poor facebook friends. Shoot, most have probably blocked me at this point. I’m sure I would have. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

So what is my point in writing this post? I have no clue. I know God is big and holy and just and that I’m being a big baby. And I totally get that things could be so much worse. But right now, my world is as bad as I’d like it for awhile. And I’m really struggling not to be completely depressed while continuing to be trapped in the sick ward in Schneiderland. So maybe my point in writing this post is to say that I’m real and I’m broken right now and I’m really sorry for being so negative. And maybe if you are struggling in this season like I am, it will help to know that someone else who “gets” God is having an annoying pity party too.

Bleh.