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If
you know me at all, you should know to be thankful that I have a filter at all
right now. Because all I really want to do is sit and cry and smoke and drink
and curse like a *@#&ing sailor.
I
hate pity parties and I refuse to participate in them for longer than 2-3 days.
Just when I move past one, something else happens and I’m right back in another
pity party. December 2012 has sucked and I‘m pretty much over it.
Oh my goodness,
what is she rambling about NOW?
Not
only do I have a golf-ball sized itchy hive on my back that will NOT GO AWAY. But I
am also having a herpes outbreak for the first time in about 5 years. What the…?
Well, let me tell you what the… This flipping flu virus is so brutal that my
immune system just can’t handle it anymore. My strong, healthy immune system
has gone on strike and now every dormant disease in my body is running around
having a party. WHAT THE…?
So
today, when our pediatrician asked if I wanted to give my kids -who have the flu- the flu shot, I didn’t
know if I should cry or punch her. My daughter has been randomly crying all day
because she has been sick for a month… no, I don’t want to put one more thing
in her little body so her immune system can completely shut down. And no, I do
NOT want her to get the flu again.
SHOOT.ME.NOW!
We didn’t get it. And won’t.
And the doctor was really sweet about it. She was just trying to be helpful. I
really do adore her.
I
am naturally a very negative person.
I have to actively work at being positive and looking on the bright side of
things. I am failing miserably right now. Just ask my poor facebook friends.
Shoot, most have probably blocked me at this point. I’m sure I would have. Ugh!
Ugh! Ugh!
So
what is my point in writing this post? I have no clue. I know God is big and
holy and just and that I’m being a
big baby. And I totally get that things could be so much worse. But right now,
my world is as bad as I’d like it for awhile. And I’m really struggling not to
be completely depressed while continuing to be trapped in the sick ward in
Schneiderland. So maybe my point in writing this post is to say that I’m real
and I’m broken right now and I’m really sorry for being so negative. And maybe
if you are struggling in this season like I am, it will help to know that
someone else who “gets” God is having an annoying pity party too.
Bleh.
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