Is It a Hill Worth Dying On?

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This past year has been so emotionally charged for me. There have been two deaths in our family, difficult health situations, emotional reunions, new exposure to old wounds and plenty of unintentionally hurt feelings. As someone who naturally ruminates about everything for long periods of time, I’ve found this year to be particularly difficult.

Obviously, we cannot control what life throws our way. BUT we can control how we react to things. Over the last several days, I have been reflecting on how I want to react especially when I experience interpersonal conflict. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

• Realize and remember people are not out to get me (most of the time).
• Determine if the conflict is a hill worth dying on. If it is, go to the person and deal with it directly. If it isn’t, evaluate the situation and see what I can learn about myself from it.
• Determine if I do the same thing to others. If I do… I need to stop.
• Honestly decide if I am overreacting. Am I so hurt because of what was said or done? Or is there a deep seeded issue I need to deal with?  

Clearly, this is going to be a process. And I’m sure I will continue to have the this-is-what-I-think-about-the-situation conversations in the shower. But I am confident that by taking this approach to the stressors in my life, I will be buying less Anxiety Drops.

Have you asked yourself if it is a hill worth dying on or do you fight every battle?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 95

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Early this morning, we learned that my mother’s brother had passed away. We then had to tell my 93 year old grandmother that her estranged son was gone. She buried her oldest son when he died training to go back to Vietnam. She buried her husband of 60+ years in late 2000. And today, the son she hadn’t spoken to in years is gone.

It’s been an uncomfortable morning.

As I have been reflecting on today’s events and some of our family dynamics, two things come to mind:

1. Forcing myself to be uncomfortable every day makes really uncomfortable situations easier to deal with.
2. You never know when you will die. If you have a broken relationship… seek reconciliation.

My uncle was an angry man who alienated most of the people in his life. Now that he’s gone, those people don’t have the opportunity to have closure. Fortunately my mom had that chance last week. He hadn’t changed, but she finally found peace with their relationship… or lack there of it.

I think appropriate boundaries with emotionally dangerous people are necessary. But if it is appropriate, seeking reconciliation for your own sake can be very healing.

Is there a relationship in your life that needs to be addressed before it’s too late?