Something Uncomfortable: Day 191

 Join the Something Uncomfortable movement on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

If you know me at all, you know that I don’t do small people. I was a youth pastor and not a children’s pastor for a reason. Give me a drunk and high teenager, and I’ve got it covered. Give me a person who can’t tie their shoes, and I’m annoyed. Sounds horrible, right? But the truth is that we are all wired differently. Not only is that okay, but it’s a really good thing. We need different people to fill different roles.

You are probably wondering what I’m babbling about… I volunteered to help in my son’s kindergarten class the two days each week that my daughter is in preschool. I didn’t mean to sign up for both days, but somehow it happened. And I really had no clue what I was volunteering for, I just knew I wanted to help and I wanted to be in my kid’s classroom.

My son’s teacher asked if I would be willing to help with the learning stations and some administrative stuff. I vomited in my mouth a little and told her that I was willing to try anything. She told me to let her know if anything seemed uncomfortable – she obviously hasn’t read my blog. I assured her that if I was too freaked out, that I would let her know. I really like her. And I’m assuming I haven’t scared her… yet.

Today was my first day. After making sure I could wear jeans and requesting to be called “Miss Heather” instead of “Mrs. Schneider,” I took some anxiety drops and prepared to be uncomfortable.

First let me tell you, that I could not be a teacher. The teacher and her assistant teacher are amazing. They are so kind and loving to the kids. They discipline in a fun way – still not sure how they manage that. And their creativity explains why my son is loving to learn. AMAZING!

While helping with the stations, I got to spend some time with the kids one-on-one. I was astonished by how little some kids knew and how much others knew. I have no idea how two women can effectively teach 26 students with such varying abilities. Again…amazing! It was so fun to see the excitement in their eyes when I would sit next to the kids and offer to help them read or find letters. It truly was a much needed ego boost. I’ve never felt so popular!

I want to be the mom that all the kids know. I want to be the mom that knows all of the kids’ names. I want to be the mom that the teachers know (for good reasons). I want the kids to want to hang out at our house. I want to be the mom that knows what’s going on in her kids’ lives. In order to be that mom, I have to step out of my comfort one and try not to be annoyed when small people can’t tie their shoes.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m excited about having the opportunity to be in my son’s class twice each week. Just don’t tell our children’s pastor, I don’t want him to get any silly ideas about me volunteering in children’s church. ;)

Something Uncomfortable: Day 188

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When reflecting on the past two weeks, I find myself in awe and disbelief. Wow! I mean really… wow! I have been bombarded with so much ugliness that I find myself having a hard time trusting anyone. People really stink sometimes.

While dealing with my poor son’s social anxiety as he adjusts to kindergarten, I was bullied by two unbelievable women at my garage sale. And ALL of the eyewitnesses failed to stand up for me. Instead they listened to the bullies and left with them.

Two days later, we learned that our senior pastor was stepping down from his position at our church. We have been processing the hurt and disappointment that has come from that situation.

Two days after that, it was September 11. Yet another reminder of how broken this world is and how horrible people can be.

Because my heart wasn’t broken enough, some fool decided to verbally vomit an ignorant comment on one of the blog posts regarding the story surrounding my rape. It was just another reminder of how people excuse bad behavior and fail to stand up for victims. Whatever.

To be blunt, people suck. And I’m sick of it. I’m really sick of people being apathetic. I’m sick of people NOT caring. And I’m sick of people thinking it’s alright to be mean. I’m sick of people sucking.

For two weeks, my prayers have been so overwhelming and constant that I feel like my body is physically groaning out to God. Not just for myself… but for the people that suck. And for the people that keep getting hurt by these people. Ironically, I don’t even wish bad things on the mean people. I just want them to be restored into people that aren’t mean.

I’m totally NOT a peace & love hippie person… although I’d like to be. But right now, I’d love to be surrounded with unicorns that poop rainbows. OK, that would be annoying, but you get the point.

All I can do is pray and trust that God knows what He’s doing. I don’t believe that all of this nonsense is part of His plan. His plan was for us to live in the Garden of Eden with the unicorns. But sin messed that up. I DO believe that He has a plan of how to help us out of the mess. However, His rescue plan will only work if we put our own agendas aside and let Him lead. That’s the part I’m not good at. I’m not good at NOT being in control. I’m NOT good at letting God be God when my feelings are hurt.

So here’s my prayer:

Lord, help me to trust that You have a plan to bring restoration to those that are hurt and to those that caused pain. Let me put my own agenda aside. Let me be still and know that You are God. And let me be quiet enough to hear You when You tell me to take action. Let all of my words and actions honor and glorify You in all I do and say. In Jesus’ holy name… Amen!

And with that, I’m putting in a request that this could be a Mean-Free Monday!

Something Uncomfortable: Day 181

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I opened the garage sale on Saturday in spite of my hysterical early morning fits. The pumpkin spice latte helped, but my heart wasn't in it. By 9:30, I was planning to shut down.

Some friends showed up to buy some "muffins for Jesus." They listened to my story about the mean women from the day before. It was therapeutic, but I still wanted to be done.

I thought I would give it a few more minutes and started planning who I would donate our stuff to.

I had the perfect little girl in mind for my daughter's clothes. Guess who happened upon our sale? I cried... literally. I let her and her friend take whatever they wanted. And I have a box filled with more clothes in her size waiting to be delivered.

My 20-year-old niece stopped by for muffins. She ended up staying and talking for hours. It was amazing! I love her to pieces and don't get to see her nearly enough. What a blessing!

Then I had another friend who has a little boy come over and shop for free. In spite of her hesitation, I loaded her up with kids' clothes, toys galore, a double stroller and clothes for her. It was awesome!!! It was like I was releasing a burden and like she had won the lottery. So.much.fun!

One of our loyal garage sale customers came back after I closed for more muffins - I think she might have eaten them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She's so sweet and the muffins are really that good ;) I was able to give her all of our leftover antiques and odds & ends for her to sell at her flea markets.

I'm probably forgetting something, but the point is that all of these amazing things would NOT have happened if I had quit and not opened. I'm so glad I trusted God.

Oh and we sold $200 worth of muffins and cookies. That means 200 books for the school kids! 

So when you are feeling overwhelmed, be encouraged! Don't give up. You never know what amazing things will happen if you just keep going.