Something Uncomfortable: Day 188

Join the Something Uncomfortable movement on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

When reflecting on the past two weeks, I find myself in awe and disbelief. Wow! I mean really… wow! I have been bombarded with so much ugliness that I find myself having a hard time trusting anyone. People really stink sometimes.

While dealing with my poor son’s social anxiety as he adjusts to kindergarten, I was bullied by two unbelievable women at my garage sale. And ALL of the eyewitnesses failed to stand up for me. Instead they listened to the bullies and left with them.

Two days later, we learned that our senior pastor was stepping down from his position at our church. We have been processing the hurt and disappointment that has come from that situation.

Two days after that, it was September 11. Yet another reminder of how broken this world is and how horrible people can be.

Because my heart wasn’t broken enough, some fool decided to verbally vomit an ignorant comment on one of the blog posts regarding the story surrounding my rape. It was just another reminder of how people excuse bad behavior and fail to stand up for victims. Whatever.

To be blunt, people suck. And I’m sick of it. I’m really sick of people being apathetic. I’m sick of people NOT caring. And I’m sick of people thinking it’s alright to be mean. I’m sick of people sucking.

For two weeks, my prayers have been so overwhelming and constant that I feel like my body is physically groaning out to God. Not just for myself… but for the people that suck. And for the people that keep getting hurt by these people. Ironically, I don’t even wish bad things on the mean people. I just want them to be restored into people that aren’t mean.

I’m totally NOT a peace & love hippie person… although I’d like to be. But right now, I’d love to be surrounded with unicorns that poop rainbows. OK, that would be annoying, but you get the point.

All I can do is pray and trust that God knows what He’s doing. I don’t believe that all of this nonsense is part of His plan. His plan was for us to live in the Garden of Eden with the unicorns. But sin messed that up. I DO believe that He has a plan of how to help us out of the mess. However, His rescue plan will only work if we put our own agendas aside and let Him lead. That’s the part I’m not good at. I’m not good at NOT being in control. I’m NOT good at letting God be God when my feelings are hurt.

So here’s my prayer:

Lord, help me to trust that You have a plan to bring restoration to those that are hurt and to those that caused pain. Let me put my own agenda aside. Let me be still and know that You are God. And let me be quiet enough to hear You when You tell me to take action. Let all of my words and actions honor and glorify You in all I do and say. In Jesus’ holy name… Amen!

And with that, I’m putting in a request that this could be a Mean-Free Monday!

Our Friend Was Dating a Serial Rapist: Installment #10

http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

The Laws Today

As I’ve been researching the current laws regarding rape, I found that there is not a lot of consistency. Laws vary from state to state.

According to Wikipedia:

“Definitions of "rape" vary, and though rape is usually dependent upon on whether or not consent was present during the act,^[1][2][3][4] the term "consent" varies as well. Minors, for example, are often considered too young to consent to sexual relations with older persons (see statutory rape and age of consent).^[4] Consent is also considered invalid if obtained under duress, or from a person who does not have the ability to understand the nature of the act, due to factors such as young age, mental disability, or substance intoxication.^[4]?”

What I think is important to know is that it is NOT OK for someone to touch another person in an unwanted or inappropriate way. And if you have been a victim of a sexual crime, know that there are laws to protect you and there ARE people who will fight for you. Go to the hospital or to the police. Call a rape crisis center. Have these resources start the process of getting you the help you need to heal and to stop your attacker from hurting you or anyone else again.

Please Share As You Feel Led

If my story has helped you in any way, or if you know someone who would benefit from reading it, please share it. I firmly believe that God won’t waste a hurt if you let Him use it.

I pray that sharing my story will empower victims to stand up to their attackers. That it will help people make better decisions in an effort to keep themselves safe. That it will encourage everyone to stand up for what is right… always. And that it will prompt victims to seek the healing they need and deserve.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Previous Installments:

Installment #1

Installment #2
Installment #3 
Installment #4
Installment #5
Installment #6
Installment #7 
Installment #8

Installment #9

Our Friend Was Dating a Serial Rapist: Installment #9

Join the Something Uncomfortable movement on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

Forgiveness

In my early twenties, I came to the end of myself and surrendered my life to Christ. Before our pastor would agree to marry Adam and me, he told me I needed to deal with my past and sent me to a wonderful Christian Counselor. It was through a process called The Steps to Freedom in Christ that I realized I needed to forgive the people in my life for what they had done to me and forgive myself for the choices I had made. Failing to forgive myself would be like saying Christ’s death wasn’t good enough for me. I forgave myself and vowed that I would allow God to use my story to help others know the freedom that I enjoy.

And although I went through the motions of forgiving Pete, I never truly did. And who could blame me, really? But as I started the process of writing my story and sharing it with you, I realized that I’m no better than Pete. Although his actions were horrible, the sins I’ve committed are pretty horrible too. Shoot, I’ve broken all Ten Commandments. Ieven had an abortion and killed my child. But God forgave me… and I forgave myself. So shouldn’t I forgive Pete?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not interested in having coffee with him or anything. And for all I know, he’s still mentally ill and dangerous. But I can honestly say that I hope that he meets Jesus (if he hasn’t already). And I hope to see Pete on the other side of heaven.

Healing: Stepping from Fear to Freedom

100 days ago, I felt challenged to actively work on my mental health EVERY day. Each day, I attempt to step from fear to freedom by doing something that isappropriately uncomfortable. I am amazed at how I am overcoming life-long fears and by doing so, becoming the person that God created me to be.

At least that’s what I thought I was doing. I just realized that a lot of my life-long fears were probably just minor personality issues before I was raped. That event and people’s reaction to it magnified everything in my life. I was never a timid person riddled with fear and anxiety. Remember, I was the girl who confronted her attacker after having a rape kit done while still wearing my hospital gown.

I am so thankful that these 100 uncomfortable days have started to heal some very old and very deep wounds. And I’m so thankful to be able to properly identify them for what they are. I am no longer that broken girl hiding behind her fear in an effort to protect herself. I am the strong confident woman that God created me to be. And I will continue to chose to be uncomfortable every day for the rest of my life so that He can use me to help others experience the freedom He wants us to have… the same freedom that He sent His Son to die for on the cross.

In the next installment: The Laws Today & Please Share As You Feel Led

Previous Installments:

Installment #1

Installment #2
Installment #3 
Installment #4
Installment #5
Installment #6
Installment #7 
Installment #8

Our Friend Was Dating a Serial Rapist: Installment #8

http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

The Hit List

I later found out that in the months that followed, Pete repeatedly broke into Tina’s house. He left roses, lingerie and other “gifts” in her bedroom.

Throughout the fall semester, Pete stalked Ashley at her college. He would be waiting for her outside her classes… just standing there… watching her.

She contacted the police back home. Apparently Pete had a warrant out for his arrest for a check fraud charge AND for some other unknown charge. The latter must have been significant because the police gave Ashley an alarm to sound should he ever show up again. They intended to come get him. The police typically don’t travel long distance to pick up a guy for check fraud… we imagined the worst. Pete never surfaced at her school again. But it is our understanding that he did serve time in another state for something.

Ashley found out from John that Pete actually had a hit list. And we were all on it. Clearly Pete was mentally ill. It’s hard to believe that this top celebrated athlete was a serial rapist with a laundry list of offenses.

I Couldn’t Do It Anymore

In talking with other sexual assault victims, I have found that we tend to do one of two things. We either never want to have sex again or we sleep with as many people as possible in an attempt to prove that we are not broken. Sadly, I chose the second option.

For me the next several years were spent drinking, getting high, and sleeping around. I was severely depressed and continually faced the consequences of leading a promiscuous lifestyle. I contracted a couple of life-threatening STDs and I had an abortion when I became pregnant at 19. I was unable to have healthy relationships with men or women. I basically floundered about for quite some time.

So I’m sure it’s of no surprise that I stopped talking to Ashley during our freshman year. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t handle hearing about what Pete was doing. I couldn’t handle the constant reminder that I couldn’t go back home because everyone in town (except Ashley and John) treated me like the dirty whore Pete said I was. I just couldn’t handle life. So I ran away from it and hid in the new town where my mother lived… and I hid in my drunken stupors and highs… and I hid in the false comfort I found as men continued to use me.

In the next installment: Forgiveness & Healing: Stepping From Fear to Freedom

Previous Installments:

Installment #1

Installment #2
Installment #3 
Installment #4
Installment #5
Installment #6
Installment #7