Our Friend Was Dating a Serial Rapist: Installment #10

http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

The Laws Today

As I’ve been researching the current laws regarding rape, I found that there is not a lot of consistency. Laws vary from state to state.

According to Wikipedia:

“Definitions of "rape" vary, and though rape is usually dependent upon on whether or not consent was present during the act,^[1][2][3][4] the term "consent" varies as well. Minors, for example, are often considered too young to consent to sexual relations with older persons (see statutory rape and age of consent).^[4] Consent is also considered invalid if obtained under duress, or from a person who does not have the ability to understand the nature of the act, due to factors such as young age, mental disability, or substance intoxication.^[4]?”

What I think is important to know is that it is NOT OK for someone to touch another person in an unwanted or inappropriate way. And if you have been a victim of a sexual crime, know that there are laws to protect you and there ARE people who will fight for you. Go to the hospital or to the police. Call a rape crisis center. Have these resources start the process of getting you the help you need to heal and to stop your attacker from hurting you or anyone else again.

Please Share As You Feel Led

If my story has helped you in any way, or if you know someone who would benefit from reading it, please share it. I firmly believe that God won’t waste a hurt if you let Him use it.

I pray that sharing my story will empower victims to stand up to their attackers. That it will help people make better decisions in an effort to keep themselves safe. That it will encourage everyone to stand up for what is right… always. And that it will prompt victims to seek the healing they need and deserve.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Previous Installments:

Installment #1

Installment #2
Installment #3 
Installment #4
Installment #5
Installment #6
Installment #7 
Installment #8

Installment #9

Our Friend Was Dating a Serial Rapist: Installment #8

http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

The Hit List

I later found out that in the months that followed, Pete repeatedly broke into Tina’s house. He left roses, lingerie and other “gifts” in her bedroom.

Throughout the fall semester, Pete stalked Ashley at her college. He would be waiting for her outside her classes… just standing there… watching her.

She contacted the police back home. Apparently Pete had a warrant out for his arrest for a check fraud charge AND for some other unknown charge. The latter must have been significant because the police gave Ashley an alarm to sound should he ever show up again. They intended to come get him. The police typically don’t travel long distance to pick up a guy for check fraud… we imagined the worst. Pete never surfaced at her school again. But it is our understanding that he did serve time in another state for something.

Ashley found out from John that Pete actually had a hit list. And we were all on it. Clearly Pete was mentally ill. It’s hard to believe that this top celebrated athlete was a serial rapist with a laundry list of offenses.

I Couldn’t Do It Anymore

In talking with other sexual assault victims, I have found that we tend to do one of two things. We either never want to have sex again or we sleep with as many people as possible in an attempt to prove that we are not broken. Sadly, I chose the second option.

For me the next several years were spent drinking, getting high, and sleeping around. I was severely depressed and continually faced the consequences of leading a promiscuous lifestyle. I contracted a couple of life-threatening STDs and I had an abortion when I became pregnant at 19. I was unable to have healthy relationships with men or women. I basically floundered about for quite some time.

So I’m sure it’s of no surprise that I stopped talking to Ashley during our freshman year. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t handle hearing about what Pete was doing. I couldn’t handle the constant reminder that I couldn’t go back home because everyone in town (except Ashley and John) treated me like the dirty whore Pete said I was. I just couldn’t handle life. So I ran away from it and hid in the new town where my mother lived… and I hid in my drunken stupors and highs… and I hid in the false comfort I found as men continued to use me.

In the next installment: Forgiveness & Healing: Stepping From Fear to Freedom

Previous Installments:

Installment #1

Installment #2
Installment #3 
Installment #4
Installment #5
Installment #6
Installment #7

Our Friend Was Dating a Serial Rapist: Installment #7

http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

After 20 years, I have come to the conclusion that all of the players in this nightmare handled the situation in the only way they knew how. Our parents and each one of us girls did the best we could with the cards life dealt us. I don’t know how I would have reacted if I had been in any of their positions. What I do know is that I can honestly say that in this moment, I have no animosity towards any of them.

The Confrontation

I found Tina and her mom in Pete’s ER room. When I started to demand that he be held accountable for what he did, it quickly became obvious that Pete was way more dangerous than I had guessed. 

In spite of the fact that he had raped Tina multiple times, she went along with his lies about him not raping me. As they continued to deny what happened, I became more enraged. Honestly, I became belligerent. I yelled and screamed and swore that I would get justice.

Tina became upset. With that, her mother looked at me and told me she wanted me to leave. Why? Because I was clearly lying and she wanted me to stop upsetting her daughter. For real?

I was devastated at the time. Tina’s mom’s words were the start of the battle that I’ve been fighting for the past twenty years. I lost part of myself in that moment and continued to for years. 

But time has given me the ability to conclude the following:

• Tina was being terrorized. What happened to me is nothing compared to what happened to her. I don’t blame her for trying to keep Pete calm.
• Tina’s mom was trying to protect her baby. As a mom, I get that. But as a former youth pastor, I will say this… even the best kids lie to their parents. When accusations start flying, love your kids enough to check out their stories.

The Threats Began

It seemed that as each day passed, we learned more and more about how dangerous Pete really was. He phoned me and Ashley and told us that he had people watching us. If I pressed charges, I would be risking my own safety and the safety of my family and Ashley and her family. Apparently, he had ties to a local gang. Sure enough, we had people sitting outside our homes throughout the summer. 

My mom worked for some attorneys. They agreed with what I was told at the ER. Because I had been drinking, it would be nearly impossible to prove that I had been raped. The defense lawyers would rip me apart and there would be little chance of a conviction. This information coupled with the continuous threats, led my mom and I to the conclusion that I should not press charges.

I went from the girl who screamed rape in the middle of the street and who confronted her attacker in her hospital gown, to a girl who was so scared that she hid just to stay alive.

To make matters worse, Pete told everyone in town that I was a lying whore who was crying rape to make herself look better. He ruined me. I could no longer go out. And after one attempt during the first semester of college, I knew I could never go back.

In the next installment: The Hit List & I Couldn’t Do It Anymore

Previous Installments:

Installment #1

Installment #2
Installment #3 
Installment #4
Installment #5
Installment #6