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Forgiveness
In my early twenties, I came to the end of myself and surrendered my life to Christ. Before our pastor would agree to
marry Adam and me, he told me I needed to deal with my past and sent me to a
wonderful Christian Counselor. It was through a process called The Steps to Freedom in Christ that I realized I needed to forgive the people in my life for
what they had done to me and forgive myself for the choices I had made. Failing
to forgive myself would be like saying Christ’s death wasn’t good enough for
me. I forgave myself and vowed that I would allow God to use my story to help
others know the freedom that I enjoy.
And although I went through the motions of
forgiving Pete, I never truly did. And who could blame me, really? But as I
started the process of writing my story and sharing it with you, I realized that
I’m no better than Pete. Although his actions were horrible, the sins I’ve
committed are pretty horrible too. Shoot, I’ve broken all Ten Commandments. Ieven had an abortion and killed my child. But God forgave me… and I forgave
myself. So shouldn’t I forgive Pete?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not interested in
having coffee with him or anything. And for all I know, he’s still mentally ill
and dangerous. But I can honestly say that I hope that he meets Jesus (if he hasn’t
already). And I hope to see Pete on the other side of heaven.
Healing:
Stepping from Fear to Freedom
100
days ago, I felt challenged to actively work on my mental health EVERY day.
Each day, I attempt to step from fear to freedom by doing something that isappropriately uncomfortable. I am amazed at how I am overcoming life-long fears
and by doing so, becoming the person that God created me to be.
At least that’s what
I thought I was doing. I just realized that a lot of my life-long fears were probably just minor personality issues before I
was raped. That event and people’s reaction to it magnified everything in my life. I was never a
timid person riddled with fear and anxiety. Remember, I was the girl who
confronted her attacker after having a rape kit done while still wearing my
hospital gown.
I am so thankful that these 100 uncomfortable
days have started to heal some very old and very deep wounds. And I’m so
thankful to be able to properly identify them for what they are. I am no longer
that broken girl hiding behind her fear in an effort to protect herself. I am
the strong confident woman that God created me to be. And I will continue to
chose to be uncomfortable every day for the rest of my life so that He can use
me to help others experience the freedom He wants us to have… the same freedom
that He sent His Son to die for on the cross.
Previous Installments:
Installment #2Installment #3
Installment #4
Installment #5
Installment #6
Installment #7
Installment #8
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