Something Uncomfortable: Day 82

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My family and I went on an adventure today. And I let my husband drive!

I’m still not a very good passenger, but I’m making progress. I nag less. I pay attention less. And there were even less Anxiety Drops involved.

I’m not sure if I will ever completely conquer my fear of letting other people drive me. But I’m proud of the fact that I’m willing to be uncomfortable and work on it.

More than anything, I want to continue to honor my husband by moving towards a place where he can drive me anywhere. I am so thankful that God blessed me with a husband who is kind enough to allow me to be broken and who never holds my anxieties against me.

What character flaw can you work on in an attempt to honor someone you love? Do you ridicule people regarding their flaws and anxieties? Or do you love them where they are at?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 59

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I woke up this morning and was super excited because it was beautifully sunny outside. This was great news because we were hosting playgroup and were planning to be outside.

Then I opened the door... and it was cool... and the grass was wet. Would it warm up enough before everyone got here? Would the grass be too wet for the babies? Should we play inside? Am I hyperventilating? Is everyone going to have a miserable time? Do I need oxygen?...

Good Heavens! Deep breath. Hey, Anxiety Girl! Pretty sure it will warm up. Pretty sure the babies will survive some damp grass. Pretty sure we can have a great time inside the house if we can't play outside. What do you say we just go with the flow and deal with stuff as it happens? Girl, you need some sleep!

We played outside and had a great time! Imagine how much more fun we would have had if I hadn't worked myself into a tizzy. 

Am I the only one who has these insane conversations in their head?


**A quick update: Remember when I thought I broke my streak of logging into MyFitnessPal? Well, it turns out that I was wrong. Today was day 305! This is good news for 2 reasons:

1. I can attempt to accomplish the goal of hitting 365 days WITHOUT being OCD about it.
2. I've proved to myself that I can let go of some of my OCD behaviors.

 I'm excited to work towards 365... but I know I won't die if I miss it. 

Something Uncomfortable: Day 54

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Apparently when you agree to work on something, God will provide a plethora of opportunities for you to do just that. I have been invited to more social gatherings in the last few weeks than I have in the last year. CRAZY!

We have one such gathering scheduled for this evening. Of course, I'm nervous about going. However, what is particularly unusual is that I'm not trying to sabotage our ability to go to it. Sometimes I consciously sabotage stuff and sometimes it's unconsciously. Today... nothing. 

Again, my anxiety has nothing to do with the people that will be there or the event itself. It's all about facing the unknown and my general social anxiety. 

It's nice to be making progress on an issue that impacts my family. My overly social husband and son are excited to be interacting with other people. And whether she likes it or not, my shy daughter is being forced to do something uncomfortable so she doesn't become a big ball of nerves like her mommy.

What uncomfortable thing can you do today that will help you grow AND benefit those around you?

Something Uncomfortable: Day 43

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Guess what I did today... or rather, guess what I did NOT do today. I haven't weighed myself all day! I can't believe that I can honestly say that.

I made the decision last night to make today the big day. I was completely nervous about it and didn't trust myself not to give in. So I sabotaged the ritual by grabbing a glass of water right after I brushed my teeth. I'm sure all of the girls out there will agree that the best time to weigh yourself is first thing in the morning, after you've gone to the bathroom, while completely naked. (What? Tell me I'm wrong.) By drinking water, I knew whatever numbers I got would be completely inaccurate and not worth going back on my goal.

I'm not going to lie to you. I've been thinking about weighing myself several times today. But the thought that keeps coming louder and stronger is this: Today I chose not to start my day in bondage. Today I chose to be free from the start. 

This has not just been about my OCD and anxieties. This has been about me being in bondage. And when we live in bondage, we can't fully experience our freedom in Christ. And when we don't fully experience our freedom in Christ, we allow satan to stop us from being Christ's light into the world. 

Will I weigh myself tomorrow? Honestly, I don't know. If it doesn't feel like a trap... perhaps. But the one thing I know for certain is that I will never be able to step on a scale again without asking first myself if I am doing it as satan's puppet or as God's child.

**Just a note: I purposely do not capitalize satan's name... EVER. I don't think he deserves the respect that it signifies.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 35

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I had to ask a friend for help with something this morning. I'm not very good at that because, to put it bluntly, I'm too prideful. I have no problem helping others, but to admit that I need help seems like an admission of being less than perfect. How ridiculous does that sound?

So I admitted that I was not perfect (shh, don't tell anyone) and I asked for help. And now I'm admitting it publicly. Something uncomfortable for the day... check!

Oh and I am still working on that whole scale thing. My birthday is May 9th. My goal is to not weigh myself for a whole day sometime before that day. (VOMIT!) I'll keep you posted.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 34

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This morning I did really well with the scale routine. I been mixing it up every day. And every day it is getting a little less painful. Woohoo!

More uncomfortableness: not spending a bunch of time on the computer today. It's Sunday, which means it's family day at the Schneider house. I'm trying to be present with my wonderful family. So that's all for today...

Something Uncomfortable: Day 31

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Good news... I mixed up the whole scale ritual this morning and did not die! But I have been thinking about it most of the day. How weird is that, really? Oh well, I guess we all have our thing, right? 

And, yes, I have been trying to determine what tomorrow's plan of attack will look like. Of course, I'm over-analyzing the whole thing: I don't want to replace the pattern with a new pattern; I don't want to have a pattern of patterns, etc. My brain is so noisy today that I have a headache (OK, maybe the headache is allergy related, but you get the point.) 

I guess the main thing is that I'm trying. Maybe we should start a pool: How many days will it take Heather to stop her ridiculous scale ritual? Only time will tell.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 30

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Today is Day 30 of my Something Uncomfortable challenge! Woohoo! Since it has been a month, I thought I would begin the process of tackling the second of my top three goals. Part of the uncomfortableness of this goal is telling you about it, so here goes:

I have a daily morning routine that I MUST follow every morning. I am not exactly sure what would happen if I didn't follow the routine, but I am certain that it would be horrible and that I, quite possibly, would die. No, seriously. Remember my "undiagnosed OCD?" This morning I made a slight deviation from that routine and I am happy to report that I did NOT die. Phew!

So did I meet my goal? Not quite. You see, the worst part of this routine involves my scale. I have to get the same reading from my scale three times... and then I have have to remove the batteries, and do it again. The second set of numbers can be different from the first, but I HAVE to have two sets of three matching numbers. (I might have just vomited a little in my mouth as I was typing that.) 

Before you start freaking out that I am being anorexic again, let me reassure you that this has NOTHING to do with my weight. It's all about the pattern and numbers. So what's the goal? I want to be able to not weigh myself. I have successfully funneled the majority of my OCD into this one freaky issue. Therefore, this is not going to be easy. Taking away the scale won't help. I will just find some other way to be neurotic. This is going to require some slow, methodological changes. I don't know how long it will take, but I will beat this. And now you will be holding me accountable to it... whether I like it or not.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 26

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Do you remember when I talked about my three big goals for this Something Uncomfortable challenge? Well, I started working on one of them today.

I have a MAJOR problem with people driving me places. It's a combination of a control issue and an anxiety issue that stem from my childhood. I can probably count the number of times someone has driven me anywhere in the last 10 years on 2 hands. And when they have, I have become a big hot nervous mess. I typically say critical and unkind things to the driver. All around, it's not good.

This morning I went to a movie with my husband. I insisted that he drive. And I did fairly well. Instead of living in my anxiety, I chose to live above it. I did not focus on what he was or was not doing. Instead I just tried to relax and talk about something else. It wasn't perfect, but it was a lot better. 

I really want to conquer this one. My husband has been so kind about the issue. I want to honor him by trying to get over it. And in light of everything that Christ did on the cross for me, Easter weekend seemed like a good time to tackle a big one.

Something Uncomfortable: Day 6

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When I started this uncomfortable challenge, three big goals came to mind. I had no intention of sharing them with anyone until I was able to conquer them because I wanted the option to not follow thru. Today, I shared them with my husband. This was uncomfortable because now I have to accomplish them. I don't like to fail... AT ALL. 

What are they? I will share them with you the next time I'm scrambling for something uncomfortable to do that day :) For now, just know, I'm uncomfortable.