Something Uncomfortable: Day 167

http://www.facebook.com/SomethingUncomfortableSteppingFromFearToFreedom

On the first 2 days of kindergarten, I noticed that my son was particularly anxious about lining up before the bell rang. I realized that he liked being in the front of the line. He is so much like his Mom. I assumed that being at the front of the line gives him a sense of security in such an uncertain new place. He confirmed that I was right when I asked him about it after school last Tuesday. We agreed to get to school early enough for him to be first in line. As the week progressed, he became more comfortable and played a little before the bell rang. However, each morning he shot to the front of the line like a sprinter in the Olympics after the guy shoots the gun.

Last week, I also noticed that he seemed uncomfortable hugging me before he went in. I asked if he hugged his teacher like some of the other kids do. He said, “No!” He only likes to hug his family. Again, he is a smaller boy version of me. It’s so crazy to watch. Anyway, I asked him this morning if he liked when I hugged him at school. He told me he did not… break.my.heart! I knew it would happen someday, but in kindergarten? Gulp! Sniff, sniff! I agreed to hug him at the car and A LOT at home.

We got him to the front of the line and I noticed his nose was running. I told him to use his tissue. He refused. Um, excuse me? I had to threaten to dig one out of his pocket and wipe it for him if he didn’t do it himself. I’m not sure what the issue with the tissue was, but let me assure you that snot running from his nose into his mouth was far more embarrassing than wiping it with a tissue. So we are going to have to have a talk about that one when I get him.

I made him uncomfortable about the tissue situation and then couldn’t hug him before he went inside. Let me assure you that the first day of the second week of kindergarten has been much harder for me than the first five days. And I don’t get to pick him up for another 3½ hours. I’m not just uncomfortable, I’m borderline hysterical. Why? Let me give you a glimpse into my head:

• Did someone make fun of him because he needed a tissue? I pity the child that bullies my kid.
• I can’t believe he’s already in school. Did I do enough? Did I engage with him enough? I NEVER expected to love my kids this much. GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!
• I NEED to make the most of EVERY moment that the kids are at home. How can I possibly take care of our daily needs AND do the bookwork for our business AND have special time with my daughter AND exercise regularly AND maintain a blog all while he is at school so I can really be present when he is at home?
• I’m depressed and want to curl up into a ball and cry but I can’t because there is too much to do. God, help me please!!!

So I’m reminded of the devotion that TWO of my dear friends called me to make me last week read from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

"Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one—as well as yourself. Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from sonworship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father’s undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.

When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do." - http://bit.ly/eF5kSq 

Amazing, right? Seriously makes you think, doesn’t it? The whole Abraham/Issac thing has always freaked me out and I’ve always been thankful that I wasn’t Abraham. I NEVER thought about it being the result of “the father’s undisciplined emotions.” So I’m working on trusting my baby to God because he’s really God’s baby anyway. And I’m learning to listen to what my kids are NOT saying. 

Do you really listen to what the people you love are NOT saying?