Am I Really Present?

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My small group is reading Crazy Love by Frances Chan. I reluctantly agreed to lead the group next week. As I started to panic about the insane schedule we have this weekend, I thought I should sit down and read the chapter tonight. If I didn’t get it “over with” tonight, I wasn’t sure when it was going to happen.

That was an hour and a half ago. Now I’m sitting at my computer, with tears welling in my eyes, making a confession to you… I am SO DISTRACTED. I’m so busy with chores and work and kids and a husband and with LIFE, that I have lost focus of what matters most: GOD. The irony is that my kids and I pray every day that we would honor and glorify Him in all that we do and say. I shudder at the thought of the percentage of what I do and say that actually glorifies Him as opposed to glorifying me or my agenda.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m a bad person. I think I’m a distracted person. I need to start taking my thoughts captive ALL THE TIME. I need to engage with the people around me and be present in every encounter. I need to turn off the auto-pilot and pass the wheel to God. After all, He is the author of this story anyway… I might as well acknowledge it and quit pretending that I’m driving.

So I’d like to thank God for “making” me volunteer to lead the discussion this week. If He hadn’t, I wouldn’t have read the chapter and I would have missed so much. And I’d like to thank Frances Chan for challenging me to live in the moment and to remember that “nothing matters except our King and God.” (p. 51)

I truly pray that I will honor and glorify God in all I do and say, every moment of every day.